When Angels Fall
by Nathanslilsis
Summary: What would happen if Nathan and Lucas got along and Nathan had a little sister? What would happen if she was raped. Will Nathan stand by her? What secrets about her family will revealed? AU OMC OFC
1. Demons in the Night

Chapter 1

"Nathan! Nathan! Help me Nathan!" she cries

She's woken up screaming for the fourth time this week…shaking uncontrollably, her face tear streaked, and her eyes distant and filled with fear.

"Jess, are you… baby, what's wrong?" I ask coming over to her bed.

She doesn't hear me….She doesn't even see me; the only thing she hears or sees anymore is the eyes and voice of the man that has taken her innocence away.

I take her in my arms, "Jessie, tell me what's wrong."

"I…dreamed…about him" she chokes out between sobs.

"Shhhh…its ok I'm here now…he's not gonna hurt you again." I say stroking her hair and letting her cry.

It's been two weeks since she was raped and she's still a complete mess. She clings to me whenever she goes anywhere with me and my wife Haley.

"It's my fault Nate….I was weak." She says looking at the floor.

"Don't you dare say that Jessica Marie Scott!" I say cupping her face in my hands.

"Jess sweetie talk to me." I try to comfort my baby sister, but she starts crying even more and talking under her breath….so soft I have to strain to hear her.

"He goes to Tree Hill High Nate….He goes to Tree Hill High" she says

I finally get her to go to sleep…hearing her calm breathing for the first time in these two weeks soothes me enough that I walk back to my bedroom and get in bed trying not to disturb Haley, but that girl doesn't miss a thing, stirring as soon as I sit on the bed.

"Hey Nathan." Haley says planting a sweet kiss on my lips. "Is she okay?"

"She just told me that the asshole who raped her goes to school with us Hales..." I say playing with the blanket on the bed.

"Well…that explains why she clings to you and Luke for dear life at school." Haley says taking my hand off the blanket and placing it around her body.

"Do you remember when we found her Hales?" I ask

"Yeah…she seemed so scared…little and helpless." She says snuggling into my chest.

Flashback Nathan's POV

I call Jessica's phone for about the billionth time standing in Karen's café with Luke and Haley, where she'd promised to meet us after her Amnesty International meeting at school.

Finally there's an answer, but not the one I'm hoping for.

"Why do you keep calling this number?" a strange voice says.

"Where in the hell is my sister?" I ask trying to sound stronger than I really am at the moment.

"Oh, the little blond haired girl with eyes like the Ocean?" the man says snidely "She went home crying to her mommy a couple of minutes ago."

I hang up the phone and look at Haley and Lucas with fear in my eyes.

"Nate, what's wrong?" Luke asks seeing my shaking hands.

"Something's happened to Jessie." I say

We get to the apartment; I open the door and run inside.

"Jess! Where are you!" I yell praying to god that what I think happened to her is just a horrible nightmare

I find her in the shower curled up in a ball on the floor…freezing cold water hitting her face. I run and grab a towel "Lucas! Get your ass in here!" I yell scared out of my mind.

I pick up my shaking sister and take her over to her bed where I hold her until she finally warms up.

I kiss the top of her head…something I've been doing since she was born…it would always make her smile, but this time she looks up at me and I see nothing but fear all over her face.

"Jess…Nate is she ok?" Lucas whispers

"You ok baby?" I ask her

"No" says tears in her eyes, "Where's Haley? I wanna talk to Haley."

"I'll get her, but first you need to put some clothes on ok?" I say putting her down and going towards her dresser.

"Nathan, can I wear one of your shirts?" She asks me looking at her toes

"Yeah, why?" I ask pulling shorts out of her drawer and setting them on the bed beside her.

"You'll protect me from him and if wear something that you wear he won't hurt me again." She says …eyes not leaving her toes.


	2. Traces of Normality

Chapter 2 Traces of Normality

"Luke, could you go into my dresser and get a shirt for her?" I ask

"Yeah…sure Nate…anything" Lucas says and leaves

End of Flashback…for now

"You're right…she was helpless then, but now we have to help her get through this Hales. " I say kissing her head.

"What should we do Nathan?" Haley asks looking up at me with those beautiful brown eyes.

"Find the asshole that raped my baby sister…and make him pay." I say taking Haley in my arms and falling asleep.

Jessica's POV

Nathan is so good to me. He's the best big brother on the face of the Earth and Haley is the best sister-in-law…I love her so much. That's why I'm going to try and convince Nathan that I'm fine and to take her out tonight. They deserve it after everything they've done for me. I feel like I've been holding them back from living their lives these past to weeks.

Later that day….

Nathan and I are in his apartment alone since Haley had gone to the Café after Karen called saying, "this place is a zoo! I need backup!" So Nathan and I are fending for ourselves. We are sitting on the couch watching the standby signal on the screen since the T.V. stopped working earlier in the morning. I figure that this is the perfect time for my brother to get his life back.

"Nathan, you need to take Haley out tonight." I say looking him in the eyes.

"I'd love to baby, but what about you?" he asks

"Well Nate, I've been keeping you and Hales from living you're lives for the past two weeks and I am telling you that I will be perfectly fine for as long as you and Haley are out tonight ok?" I say smiling and kissing him on the cheek.

"I don't know Jessie." He says a smile pursing his lips, "I don't think that you'll be able to defend yourself" he says with a spark in his eyes.

"Defend myself? From what your ugliness?" I ask laughing

"No…this!" he says as he lunges at me tickling me so much that I think I'm going to pee in my pants!

"Nathan!...Stop!" I yell between fits of laughter.

"I'll only stop if you say that I'm the sexiest brother alive and that you will treat me as such for the rest of your life!" he says still tickling me.

"Ok fine Nate…What you just said!" I yell

"That's right Jess…you're only 14 so you have a long time to worship me little girl." He says laughing and releasing me from his grasp.

As if on cue….the phone begins to ring. I run and get it thinking that it's Haley.

"City Morgue you kill 'em we chill 'em" I say playfully, but the voice I hear on the other end makes me drop the phone and my face go pale.

"Jess…are you okay?" Nathan asks seeing my face.

"Yeah Nate I'm fine I promise." I smile trying to mask my lie.

"You sure?" he asks pulling me into a tight hug.

"Yeah…it was Luke pretending to be Dan…he was good at it to." I lie again...my heart hurting with every word.

"Ok I'm going to go get ready for tonight…call Haley for me ok baby?" he says letting me out of his warm embrace

"Ok Nate!" I say with a smile to hide my tears

With that he turns and leaves. I have to think about why in the hell the man who I fear so much….who got what he craved when he took my virginity…still wants with me. Can't he just leave me alone? I take a minute to regain my composure and pray that Nathan isn't around to see the single tear that falls from my eye.

When I hear the shower running moments later I grab the phone, hang it up, turn it back on, and then dial the oh- so familiar number to Karen's café.

"Hello Karen's Café what can I do for you…this is Haley by the way." Haley answers sounding panicked and rushed.

"Hey Hales! Nathan wanted me to call and tell you to come home and get ready" I say with a smile.

"Ready….ready for what?" Haley asks

"Nate wants to you out tonight girly." I say

"Jess I gotta work." She says sounding disappointed

"I'll cover your shift ok?" I say wanting to do anything in my power to make this thing work out for them.

After a few moments she finally caves telling me that she'd be home in five minutes and to get Nathan to bring me over to Karen's.

"It's ok I can walk" I say

"Are you sure?" she asks

"Yeah I'll be there soon that way Karen isn't alone to face the crowds of people." I say laughing.

"You're right…just make sure and tell Nathan ok?" she asks.

"I'll tell him. See you in a few." I say and hung up the phone.

"Tell who what?" Nathan asks from behind me.

"Tell you that I'm walking to the Café." I say turning to face my brother.

"Oh hell no you aren't!" Nathan says putting his jacket on over his black muscle shirt.

"Nathan! I'm not a baby!" I whine.

"I'd beg to differ with that comment Jessica Marie." He says grabbing his keys, "I'm driving you and that's final Jess!"

I look up into his eyes to see just how scared he really is. He's afraid that something will happen to me and just like the rape…that he won't be able to stop it from happening and whose to say that it wouldn't with the that Demon calling me?


	3. Demon in My View

Chapter 3: A Demon in My View

The car ride over to the Café is so silent that you can hear a pin drop in Asia. I'm scared out of my mind that he's pissed, but I don't show the fear on my face. Nathan doesn't miss a beat though…he sees right through my walls.

"Jess, I'm not mad at you." He says as we pull up to the Café.

"Thanks Nathan, but I just wish that you wouldn't worry so much." I say trying to smile.

"I'll try sweetie. Now go help Karen…it sure looks like she needs it." He says kissing my cheek, "and tell Haley to get her hot butt out here!"

I get out of Nathan's car and run into the Café to find the place packed! No wonder Karen's going nuts! I go up to the counter, see Haley pouring coffee, and Lucas tripping. "Hey Hales Nathans outside waiting for you I say smiling, "oh and Luke wonderful other older brother of mine…tie your shoes!"

Nathans POV

Haley came out of the Café with a sad look on her face. "What's wrong Hales?" I ask bringing her into a hug. She pulls back and says, "What's wrong with me! Look at me Nathan…my hairs in a messy bun; I'm not wearing any makeup or sexy clothes… I look like shit!" She yells. "Haley you do not look like shit." I say sweetly, "when you look like this is when you're the most beautiful Hales. Your clothes and hair don't matter…just as long as I'm with you everything's perfect." I say taking her in my arms once again and this time she stays.

"Where are we going Nathan?" she asks excitedly

"You'll see baby…I promise you'll like it." I say smiling….I'm the luckiest man in the world.

Jessica's POV

"Jess I need you to wait tables." Karen yells over the escalating noise.

"Ok Karen! I'm yours to boss around for the night." I say with a smile loving the chaos of this place…such a rush.

"Don't forget me little sister" Lucas says into my ear.

I smile it's nice to be so loved.

Nathan's POV

Haley's asleep five minutes into the car ride. I knew she'd be exhausted the surprise is better that way.

Miles later we're at the Beach with the stars gleaming like diamonds against the bright night sky. I get a blanket out of the trunk and set it down on the soft sand. After that I get a picnic basket with chocolate covered strawberries, champagne, candles, and matches. Romantic evening on the beach…I'm glad Jess is starting to get back into the swing of life. Only one thing was missing from this beautiful picture…my wife Haley.

I walk to the car and spend a couple of minutes just watching her sleep. She's in angel is disguise during the day…but at night she looks like heaven come to earth lying next to me in my arms. I know that I have to wake her up, but I would be just as happy watching her sleep for hours on end.

"Haley, sweetie…wake up. We're here." I whisper sweetly.

Haley opens her eyes and smiles. I offer my hand to her and she takes it. I help her out of the car and let her stretch her extremely beautiful body. After she's done with that I take her over to the blanket that looks almost golden with the light of the candles.

"Oh my God Nathan this is so beautiful." Haley says smiling and kissing me sweetly on the lips.

Jessica's POV

"This is HELL!" Lucas mouths to me through the window to the kitchen. He's only saying that because he has to wash all of the dishes. The hard night's over. The major crowds have gone away, but a few stragglers still remain.

"What a night!" Karen says letting out a sigh of relief, I couldn't have done it without you sweetheart."

I smile at Karen I miss hearing her voice. My fear of my rapist kept me locked away from the world…I hope that I won't let my fears take me over like that again. Just as I'm about to say something to Karen Lucas comes out of nowhere and picks me up from behind wrapping his arms around my waist and spinning me around.

When he puts me down he says smiling, "Well, it seems that Jessica is getting her people skills back."

I smile at the realization that I'm putting this behind me and not allowing my fears to subdue me into a life of hiding…but no good feeling lasts forever.

The door to the Café opens and the bell jingles, all eyes turn in the direction of the sound. The person I see makes my knees weaken and my body collapse. Lucas cradles me in his arms as he comes onto the floor behind the counter and beside me.

"That's him isn't it Jessie? He asks soothingly bringing me close to his body knowing that a breakdown is to follow. Why is it that when you think everything's going to be great something happens to knock you back to the horrible place you were before?

"Yeah…that's him…Tim Smith." I say burying my head is chest letting the hidden tears and the emotion that I held back trying to help my brother, flow freely with the other brother that I helped tonight.


	4. Demons Come Out In Daylight?

Chapter 4 Demons come out in Daylight?

Minutes later the tears have subsided and I'm just sitting in Lucas' protective embrace and listening to the words of the man that has haunted my dreams for so long:

"Awww what's the matter Jess." Tim coos in baby talk, "Are you afrawaid of the big mean man!"

"You need to leave my Café right now!" Karen says calmly yet forcefully.

"Why is little Jessie scared that I'll hurt her." He says with a devilish tone that makes my whole body tense, "because the last time I hurt her…it was in my bed."

"Excuse me, would you like to say that into my good ear because anything you have to say about me you can say to my god damn face you evil bitch!" I say standing up from my hiding spot behind the counter.

"Yeah... I just wanted to say, the sex was great!" he says with a smirk on his face and evil in his eyes.

Something in me snaps as soon as those words leave his lips…I don't know what comes over me. "All right you arrogant man slut!" I shout hopping over the counter and walking stiffly towards him. "What in the hell do you want with me!" I yell scared out of my mind.

"This." He says snidely as he holds my arms down by my sides and forces his tongue into my mouth. I kick him in the nuts to save my mouth from his slimy tongue, and it works, but two seconds later he punches me in the mouth…hard.

The warm blood tastes like mettle in my mouth. I spit out a lot of it on the floor and stare into his cold eyes that seem to look at me lustfully. I want to deck him…do something to make him pay…but before I can take another step Nathan walks into the Café, grabs Tim by the shirt collar, and with the help of Lucas pins him up against the wall with no intention in hell of letting him go.

Nathans POV

Ok, I have the asshole that raped my sister in my clutches, but I can't do anything (because the cops could come after me for killing him like I want to do)…except mess with his head. I think smirking.

"You know Tim…I can kick you off the team for hitting my sister." I say trying to get him to talk.

"Whitey will kill you and you know it Nathan." He spits back

"No he won't…he's been planning to do it for awhile…all he needs is a reason and I think I found it right here." I say watching as his eyes fill with fear.

"Now all you need to do is tell me what I want to know and everything will be fine." I say watching his face for any sign at all.

"How about I don't and say I did." He says coldly and without any warning slams his head against mine.

I reel back letting go of his arms and before anyone can get to him he's at the door saying to my sister "catch you later sweet thang" and running out the door and down the street.

I want to run after him do something to hurt him and make him pay for every ounce of pain he's put my little sister through, but two things are stopping me. The first thing being my throbbing head and the second being Lucas' hand on my shoulder guiding me to the person who needs me the most right now…Jessica.

When I see her I feel like I should kill Tim once and a thousand times over. She is in Karen's arms, her face tear streaked and bloody from the punch to the mouth that Tim gave her. Her body is shaking, much like it was the night we found her after she'd been raped and her lips are moving though no words are coming out…in many ways I think this is a nightmare come to life for her and I can't make it go away this time. So I do the only thing I possibly can…I go to where Karen is and take Jessica in my arms.

At first she fights me probably thinking that I'm Tim…that I would hurt her and give her the feeling of emptiness that she's been trying so hard to fill, but then I speak softly into her hair, "Shhh baby girl it's only me…Nathan. He's gone ok? He's gone now." I rock her back and forth praying to God silently to snap her out of this…that she can put this behind her, but then again your prayers don't get answered if your father is Satan himself.

Jessica's POV

I stay in Nathan's arms never wanting to leave their safety again. I calm down knowing Tim isn't in the Café anymore and that Nathan has protected me from further damage. I'm standing here wondering how in the hell he came into the Café in kick ass mode…knowing that I was in trouble. I pull away from Nathans arms and look into his eyes seeing the bruise on his forehead from where Tim hit him in the process. My eyes fill with tears at the fact that I've caused my brother pain and before I can blink my tears away they're rolling down my face and I'm repeating the words I'm sorry into his chest. I feel Nathan pick me up, hear him ask Karen for a warm washcloth, and feel him carry me over to the counter and sit me down. His crystal blue eyes stare intensely into my hazel ones never once faltering in their gaze.

"Jessica Marie what on Earth do you have to be sorry for?" he asks wiping my tears away with his thumbs and giving me a sweet smile.

I take a deep breathe…this was going to be a long answer. "I r-r-ruined your date with Haley, you're hurt b-b-because of me, and now everyone thinks I'm a b-b-b-basket case which must being embarrassing to you." I sob

"You did not ruin my date with Haley Jess and I'm not hurt because of you I'm hurt because I wanted to protect one of the most important people in my life…that was a risk I was willing to take. Most importantly Jess, you by no means are a basket case …honey you were raped you have every right to be scared. Don't go beating yourself up ok baby?" he asks mouthing thank you to Karen as she gives him the washcloth he asked for and hands it to me.

I wipe my face seeing the cloth change from white to red as the blood came off…and with that blood came every fear that I had of Tim because he had hit me out of fear…fear that I would be strong enough to say something that would get him arrested and I wont do that just yet…I'm going to torture him first.

"Nathan, come here I have to tell you a secret." I say motioning with my finger for him to lean down. As he's leaning I kiss the bruise on his forehead something that we always did when we were little to ease the pain our parents Deb and Dan caused us.

Nathan smiles and says, "Wow, I feel much better! Screw band-aids you're better than any drug." I laugh for the first time since Nathan and I had our tickle fight in the apartment. Then Nathan does something unexpected he takes two fingers, kisses them, and places them on my heart. For the first time in a long time…my heart feels whole.

I hop off the counter and kiss Lucas on the cheek as a silent thank you for everything he did tonight and he smiles at my happiness. I find Karen in the kitchen and give her hug for helping me tonight and being the mother that I've never really had…Nathan's the one who raised me. I find Nathan in a "man hug" with Luke. Not wanting to be the one to break up the "brotherly love" I stand by and wait until Nathan brakes away, puts his arm around me, and walks me out of the Café and to his car.

"Where's Haley?" I ask getting scared

"She's at home Jess…she's safe." He says

I smile knowing for the first time exactly how it felt to be safe…but I can't help but wonder…What will happen when comes back?


	5. Monster In Her Memories

Chapter 5 Monster in her Memories

Nathan's POV

I wake up to the sunlight streaming through the window, thinking it's going to be a good morning…but when I hear pounding on my door and have to leave Haley alone in bed I think otherwise. It's only when I answer the door that I know my hopes for a good day have been shot straight to hell, for on the other side of the door was none other than Satan himself…Dan Scott.

"Hi Son, aren't you going to let me in?" he asks a fake smile on his face.

I don't really know what to say…fortunately someone else speaks for me.

"Don't you have some children to go scare or abandon?" Jessica says snidely…thank god for her.

"Don't talk to me like that Jessica I'm your father!" He yells trying to grab for her, but she jumps back.

"Don't flatter yourself by saying that you're one of those people that are actually nice to their children…there's no way in hell you're one of those. She said coldly…her eyes like ice "see in order to be a father you can't beat the shit out of your kid with a leather belt!" and with that she turned on her heel and left me alone with Satan.

"So, Nathan…having your baby sister defend you now?" he says snidely trying to get under my skin.

"No Dad, she's finally standing up for herself…she's not afraid of you anymore and neither am I" I say slamming the door in his face and locking it tight.

Jessica's POV

If it isn't one asshole it's another I think to myself. I shudder remembering exactly how much pain my parents caused Nathan and I. Nathan mentally and me physically.

flashback

A ten year old Jessica and a fourteen year old Nathan were at the Rivercourt with Lucas Scott…their half brother (whom Dan despised with every ounce of his being). Nathan and Lucas were shooting hoops and Jessica was watching in utter fascination.

The way that Nathan and Lucas played together was pure poetry…art in its true form. Jessica hadn't seen her brother smile this much since the day he first laid his eyes on Haley and that was when he was six. Then she saw the one thing that could change their emotions faster than superman can fly…Dan Scott's car.

The ball dropped with a thud on the asphalt it was like watching a musician drop their instrument…all joy gone from the player's eyes. Nathan and Lucas watched as Dan came toward them anger written on his cold face and a vein pulsing in his head.

Jessica sunk down under the bleachers praying that her father hadn't seen her and watching from the shadows knowing that it wasn't gonna be good.

"What the hell are you doing with my son!" Dan asked Lucas while pushing him to the ground.

"He's helping me practice Dad!" Nathan yelled

"Oh he said his face softening; I always knew you were good for something." He said snidely while turning on his heel and walking towards his car.

He was almost there and quickly turned around. "Nathan, where's your sister? She's lost somewhere I hope." He said coldly. Both Nathan and Lucas' eyes clouded over with anger, but Dan hadn't even started yet.

"Where is your sister Nathan?" Dan asked menacingly

"She's playing hide and seek Dad." Nathan said his chest constricting with fear

"Well then…I better go find her." Dan said with a smirk on his face.

No…Dad its fine Luke and I can find her." Nathan said quickly, his pulse racing as Dan stared at him.

"Now Nathaniel, what on Earth is wrong with a father having fun with his little girl?" Dan said turning to find Jessica.

Jessica could only watch in utter horror as her father came closer and closer to her hiding spot…knowing full well by the rage in his eyes that he was going to hurt her.

When he got to her hiding place he knelt down so that he could see her eyes...her scared color changing eyes. "Its ok baby girl...I'm not gonna hurt you." he cooed.

Jessica wasn't stupid. She knew he was lying...she knew that he was going to beat her senseless, but she had to come out before she pissed him off even more even though she hadn't done anything to make him mad in the first place.

As she slowly made her way out from underneath the bleachers so she wouldn't hit the sharp metal he grabbed her by her hair and literally yanked her out from underneath her shelter...gashing her head in the process.

The stinging and throbbing of her head sent her into hysterics. She was crying and fighting to control herself knowing weakness made her father angry, but she only cried harder because she couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks.

Dan had had enough of her tears and screaming. He slapped her across the face twice, threw her to the ground, kicked her in the stomach, and coolly walked away as if nothing had happened. Leaving his daughter on the ground bloody and bruised...like a piece of trash that he didn't want to pick up.

Flashback ended

I come back to reality noticing that it's strangely quiet in Nathan's apartment. Normally since its Sunday, Nathan and Haley would be chasing each other around the apartment screaming and laughing like little kids. So, I decide to investigate the eerie quietness that had befallen the place.

I walk down the hallway into the living room and find Nathan sitting on the couch with his head tilted back in exhaustion.

"Nate, where's Haley?" I ask unable to keep my voice from cracking and a lump from forming in my throat.

"She's at the Café…are you okay?" he asks sitting up to look at me.

"I was just remembering that day at the River Court when Dan beat the ever loving tar out of me." I say trying to laugh off the pain.

"I remember that day…do you wanna talk about it?" he asks sweetly

"No." I said coming over to the couch and crawling in his lap. "…just hold me." I whisper softly allowing the tears from the past to flow and they were caught by the person who would always be there for me in the future.

Nathan's POV

I remember the last time she was curled up in my arms like this…when she trusted me completely to protect her from the evils of the world.

Flashback

A nine year old Jessica (who looked like and weighed as much as a six year old) was staring at her closet afraid that the monster she heard inside would jump out and eat her alive…at least that's what Lucas told her about monsters in closets…and Lucas knew everything A baseball bat was being held firmly in her hands…her only form of protection from the evils lurking in the darkness of her closet.

A thirteen year old Nathan was walking down the hall towards his little sisters room …it was a ritual for Nathan to check on his sister before heading off to bed himself because he knew his parents didn't give a damn. He stopped when he saw the look of pure terror locked on her closet door and the baseball bat firmly gripped in her hands.

She heard the floorboard squeak outside her bedroom door and ready for anything she raised the bat ready to swing at the slightest movement of the shadows.

"Jessie…relax it's only me!" Nathan said in shock, "Honey, why do you have a bat in your hand?"

Jessica pointed to the closet with a trembling finger, "there's a monster in my closet Nate!" she whimpered.

"I have an idea baby girl" Nathan said gently taking the bat out Jessica's firm grasp and sitting next to her with his back against the headboard, "I'll watch your closet door for awhile so you can get some sleep ok?"

She nodded and then climbed in her brothers lap saying, "aren't you tired Nathan?"

"No Way!" He lied. Honest truth…he was exhausted. Dan had made him run two miles before he went to basketball practice where he worked like a dog to impress his coach. The only thing he wanted to do was sink under the covers and drift into the comfort of sleep, but he loved his sister and would do anything for her.

As Jessica snuggled into his chest he wrapped his arms protectively around the little girl who he would kill for. He rocked her back and forth in his arms until he heard her even breathing. He was incredibly tired…he didn't have the strength to get up and before he knew it his eyes were drooping and with a sweet kiss on the top of her forehead, Nathan fell asleep protecting the only person he cared about…besides Haley of course.

Flashback ended

I feel the hot tears burn into my shoulder as she cries…she's always the one getting hurt! Why didn't I do something when we were younger…why was I such a coward!

Wait…I know what I need to do…I'm going after Tim I thought as I held Jessica tighter. There is no way in hell he's getting away with this.

After what seemed like hours, I hear her breath slow down and I know she has cried herself to sleep. I pray that she'll have good dreams for once…but like I said, your prayers don't get answered when your dad's the devil.

I carry her to her room and lay her on the bed. She whimpers slightly, but not thinking anything of it, I kiss her forehead and walk out of the room leaving the door slightly ajar. As I walk down the hall I hear the front door open and Haley say "I'm home!" I walk to the door and kiss her with every ounce of passion I can muster.

We are both breathless from the kiss, but our lack of breath didn't stop us from wanting more. I pick her up in my arms with the greatest of ease and she wraps her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck leaving a trail of kisses on my collar bone. Our lips meld together as I use my free hand to guide us to the bedroom.

I lay her on the bed and placing her arms above her head leaving a trail of kisses down her jaw line hearing a few moans escape her lips. She kisses my lips with a fiery passion that knocks me to the mattress placing her on top. She leaves a trail of kisses down my abdomen causing my eyes to roll back into my head in ecstasy. I smile at the fact that she knows me so well. The other girls I've been with just wanted sex and nothing else…they didn't just kiss…or want to lay there for hours and listen to nothing but the sounds of our hearts beating in our chests…she did, but now I have to please her in ways that no one else can or ever will… I will never lose her again.

After the sex

I lay there and stare at her angelic features that glow from the light of the lamp on her glistening skin. She really did look like an angel bathed in golden light laying there next to me…she's the only prayer that's been answered for me. Looking at her one more time…I turn off the lamp, take her in my arms, and close my eyes knowing that she would be there when I woke up.

A blood curdling scream causes me to bolt upright in bed. I look for the light switch and then at Haley to see her stirring from her peaceful slumber and my brain screams Jessica you idiot! I run to her room with Haley not far behind to find her bed empty. A lump forms in my throat as I hear yet another scream coming from the direction of the bathroom. I run to the handle of the door and found it locked. I kick it down with no problem at all and find my sister on the floor with a dark figure looming above her body and the bathroom window broken into a million pieces.


	6. Strike 1,2,and 3

Nathan's POV

I can feel my heart in my throat looking at how little Jessica's chest was rising and falling… _please don't die on me Jess. _I can feel my stomach lurching as I see how much blood she's losing from the glass that was embedded in her skin. I can feel my hand slightly pushing Haley in the direction of the bedroom as my lips mouthed "Go call the cops".

I can see Haley as she runs in the direction of the bedroom, but what I didn't see was Jessica's attacker slipping out the window without making a sound, so when I do turn back around… all I can see was my little sister on the floor of the bathroom…all breathing stopped.

Haley's POV

_911 what's your emergency?_

"My little sister's been attacked…I need an ambulance over here now!" I say feeling the tears streaming down my cheeks.

_Ok…calm down mam. What's your address?_

I'm in the Westlake apartments…apartment # 23

_Ok mam…someone will be there in a about two minutes._

"Thank you…please hurry" I say to the dial tone

Later at the hospital Nathan's POV

I can hear my own heart thudding in my chest as it mimicked the sound of the heart monitor. I look at her sleeping form…she doesn't really like doctors…never has really. She has dear old dad to blame for that one.

The first time dad broke something of hers…she was about eight. She accidentally spilled paint thinner in the garage and got a broken wrist as a punishment. The doctors made the mistake of holding her down while they set it…didn't even bother asking me if I knew how to make her stop crying from fear and pain…they just did it the hard way. After that incident she would always come in with a broken limb that needed to be set…it got so bad that the doctors and nurses new her by name for awhile, but when we were granted emancipation from our parents…everything changed.

Am I really that horrible of a brother? I couldn't protect her and now she's trapped in one of the places that she defiantly has nightmares about on dark and stormy nights, and because of her deep sleep, she'll be trapped in her nightmares in this horrible place.

"Nathan…Nathan?" Lucas asks

"Yeah bro, what is it?" I ask hearing my tired voice.

"Dude, you need to get some sleep…you look like crap." Lucas says taking me by the shoulders and trying to get me to get up, but I plant my feet and stay where I am.

"Nathan, stop being stubborn! We have a game tomorrow and Whitey will kick our asses if the team loses because we aren't there! We need to go to school tomorrow so that we can play in the game Nate!" Luke says sternly

"Lucas…don't you think that our family is more important than a stupid basketball game!" I yell through gritted teeth.

"yeah Nate, but the team is like a second family to both of us and you know it….Haley can stay with her tomorrow so we don't let the team down…I'm scared of letting them down." Lucas says with a voice that was barely audible.

"You're right…I don't want to let them down either." I say standing up and going toward Haley. She was sitting on the small couch in the hospital room transfixed on my sisters sleeping form.

I knelt in front of her and cupped her face in my hands forcing her to look into my eyes, "Hales, you ok?" I ask.

"I wish there was something more I could do than just wait." She whispers looking down at her hands.

"Well, Luke and I need to go to school tomorrow so that we won't let the team down by missing the game. Would you want to stay here with her…she never really does get a chance to see you since you're at the café working all the time." I say making her look at me again.

"Yeah! I'd love too…I just hope that she won't love me more than you after tomorrow!" she says smiling from ear to ear.

"Oh you'd just love that wouldn't you Hales?" I ask laughing and moments after I start laughing so do Haley and Lucas…everyone needs a little laughter during tragedy right?

We're all smiling until we hear the heart monitor increase it's pace and the sound of crying coming from the bed.

Lucas's POV

Nathan runs to Jess's side while Haley's at mine…scared of what she's seeing.

Jessica's body was contorting itself in ways that I know can only be from her nightmares….of what she was dreaming about…I have no idea, but I'm brought out of my thoughts when a look of pure terror in Nathan's eyes looks straight into mine.

I can see that he's trying to keep calm, but it wasn't working…his hands are shaking and his face is pale. His voice sounds scared as all hell when he says, "Lucas, go into the nightstand and bring me the bottle of pills inside now!"

I do as I'm told and throw the pills into Nathan's hands. Nathan opens them up, takes out a small pill, and pulls a thrashing Jessica into his arms trying to avoid punches.

With the words "I don't like doing this, but I have to baby." He slips the pill into her mouth and she instantly starts to calm down, but the question is…is she still dreaming?

**Jessica's Dream General POV**

_**It had been raining all day in Tree Hill…pouring in torrents and cascading its rich water on every surface. The weather man had said that the rain would stop mid-afternoon, but it was already five o' clock and Jessica was walking home in the pouring rain on the way to Karen's Café where she'd promised to meet Nathan Haley, and Lucas after the Amnesty International meeting. Brooke cancelled cheer practice that day.**_

_**As she trudged toward her destination feeling the bites of cold air through her soaking wet clothes, she couldn't help but wish she'd got a ride to the Café from Nathan. She was brought out of her thoughts when a car pulled up beside her and rolled down the window…although Nathan wasn't the driver…it was Tim Smith.**_

"_**Hey Jess, Nate's worried about you and sent me to come get you."**_

_**She had a weird feeling in her stomach that she couldn't really name, but she figured that it was just the cold getting to her so she brushed it aside and got in his car. Silence ensued them as they drove, and as the minutes passed by…Jessica knew they were going the wrong way.**_

"_**Uh…Tim? We're going the wrong way." Jessica says shakily**_

"_**Oh no Jess, we're going to the perfect place for what we're going to do." He says snidely**_

_**Jessica tried to open the door, but found it locked. Panic swelled inside her chest as she clawed helplessly at the door trying to get it open in order to escape her captor.**_

_**He heard her breath quicken and couldn't help but tease her "Oh it's okay baby, I won't hurt you too bad. I always had a thing for cheerleaders" He says mimicking baby talk as he pulled into his driveway.**_

_**Hidden tears sprang from behind her eyelids and rolled down her cheeks as she made one last attempt to get away…striking Tim in the face as hard as she could, but it didn't work. He quickly recovered and put his hand on the back of her neck, squeezing a certain spot.**_

_**Jessica started to go numb…her body wasn't responding to any of the commands her brain was giving it. The only thing that seemed to be working were her tear ducts and the tears that were falling down her face showed no sign of stopping as she choked on the tears pooling in her throat. All the while, Tim carried her out of his car and into his house**_

_**She tried to regain control of her body only to hear the sick laughter of her brothers former friend, "Oh sweet thang, he drawls, the good thing about having your mother being a chiropractor is…you get to learn all of the pressure points and what they do." **_

_**Jessica's eyes widened in fear…not because of what he had said, she'd heard worse lines in Disney movies, but because she knew they were going to Tim's bedroom. Once again she tried to fight him off, but her body wouldn't respond and before she knew it she was on his bed, hands above her head screaming the word no with tears still streaming down her face.**_

_**As Tim sheds the clothing off of her limp body all she can manage to sputter between gasps is "Why?"**_

**_He hit her hard upside the head…so hard that she sees stars and tells her, "Shut the fuck up or you will never see Natey Watey ever again."_**

**_She puts on a brave face and chokes down her sobs for her sake and then feels like she's being ripped in two as he enters her body with brute force…not caring that she experiences severe pain in all of this._**

_**So she projects her mind to the only place that's feels safe and secure, Tree Hill's Gym. She imagines herself cheering with Peyton, Brooke, and Haley and seeing her brothers faces light up as they sink shot after shot. She also sees Tim's face which makes her jolt back to reality and realize that the horrible ordeal is over and that she can move her limbs.**_

_**So, she does the only thing she can do, puts on her clothes and runs out of Tim's house like a bat out of hell…forgetting her phone from pure fear.**_

Nathan's POV

I see the wide eyed expression on Lucas' face because a tiny little pill stopped my little sister from thrashing in my arms like an animal.

"What the hell was that Nathan!" Lucas whispers

"They're…sedatives that I got them the night we took her to the hospital after Haley found out she'd been raped." I say tears filling my eyes.

_Flashback_

_The doctor handed Nathan a bottle of pills and started to answer the question that was hidden in his eyes._

"_These are sedatives…rape victims have flashbacks of their attacks often and there's no telling what could make them go into a severe state of panic and the longer someone stays in the state of panic, the more damaged they become…mentally I mean . Do you understand what I'm telling you Nathan?" the doctor asked _

" _No! What the Fuck do you mean become!" Nathan snarled angrily_

"_Nathan, I hate to tell you this, but your sister's pretty messed up right now…one of the nurses tried to do a rape kit on her, but she screamed and cried…please don't hurt me. Her mind is flowing in a sea of emotions…and if she were to have an attack…she could drown in them."_

_Nathan nodded slowly knowing that he would do whatever it took to keep his sister from drowning in a sea of her own misery._

_flashback ended_

"Do you think she was dreaming about…you know" Lucas asks looking at the floor

"Either that or the attack that placed her here." I say pulling Haley from Lucas too me.

"What the hell was that about anyway?" Haley asks her small frame shaking in my grasp

"Only she knows…but she won't tell us…not for awhile. All the progress she's made is lost now." Luke says

"Luke…she's never really been all that better." Haley whispers

"What are you talking about Hales?" I ask slowly looking at my drugged sister.

"She's putting up a front to make you think she's fine." Haley say slowly

"How do you know Haley?' I say angrily

"She cries alone in her room when you're at basketball practice, when she cheers with us during the games she leaves during the middle of routines so that she can breathe without breaking down…."Haley breaks off her sentence here to wipe the tears flowing down her cheeks.

That's it…I'm the worst brother on the face of the Earth. How could I not have seen it?

_Flashback the first week after she was raped_

_Nathan and Jessica had walked home from School since the car was in the shop and Haley had to tutor after school that day. The streets started to get busier then usual since it was the end of the day. Shops were closing, and other were kids walking home from school._

_Getting jostled by the crowd usually wouldn't have bothered either of them especially Jess. She bumped into people by accident and jerked backwards only to fall into someone else. Her breathing began to speed up the more people she ran into on the street. There were too many of them. Since when are there that many people in Tree Hill? Were they all just waiting to run into her?_

"_Jessie, it's ok. Come here baby. Close your eyes." Nathan commanded. Jess obediently shut her eyes tightly and clung to her brother, letting the most constant thing in her life lead her home._

_Flashback ended_

Ok, one time…anyone could've over looked that right? Nathan thought he was safe before yet another memory clawed its way into his mind.

_flashback…still the first week_

_They stepped into the Gym and Jess felt Nathan's hand leave her shoulder "I'll see you." Nathan said with a small smile._

_Haley and Jess started warming up with the other girls, not wanting to get caught up in the crowd. The gym began to fill up quickly and soon Jessica's breathing sped up along with it. Her eyes shot to all different directions, trying to see everything going on._

"_Jessica?" Haley leaned in examining her sister who gave no response. "Jessica?" She tried again_

_Lucas walked over to them "Hey Jess, Haley. How's it going?"_

"_Not good Luke." Haley replied slowly, still watching Jess whose hands were beginning to visibly shake. "I think we're going to leave."_

_Watching Jessica, Lucas nodded. "That might be a good idea; I'll tell Nathan."_

"_Thanks…Jessie? Let's go ok?" Haley said lightly touching Jessica's arm. Jessica jerked backwards into Luke and then jumped forward again._

"_Let's go Jess" Haley tried again._

"_But…but I told Brooke…I would cheer today…she was really mad…" Jessica trailed off looking around the gym and starting to tremble._

"_Brooke will understand Jess. Let's go home."_

"…_Ok Hales." Jessie nodded miserably and walked out with Haley avoiding the yelling from Brooke._

_Flashback ended_

Shit…strike two. He tried to clear his mind by taking deep breathes and focusing on the stupid blue striped wall paper in the room, but no matter how hard he tried to resist…another memory over powered him making his breath catch and tears fall.

_Flashback The next week_

"_But I want to come Nathan." Jessica said quietly staring at the floor, knowing that arguing would be useless either way._

"_I know you want to come tonight baby, but I'm worried about you. I don't want you to get scared again." Nathan sat down on the couch next to her._

"_I'm sorry." Jessica said almost sounding ashamed._

_Nathan pulled Jessica into his lap pulling her close to his chest._

"_It's not your fault Jess. Karen is going to stay with you tonight ok?"_

"_Ok." Jessica mumbled, embarrassed that she couldn't stay alone by herself without panicking._

"_I'll be home soon." Nathan said placing her back on the couch and kissing her forehead_

"_Ok."_

…

_Jessica sat on the couch watching Karen try to play solitaire with only 50 cards._

"_Karen?"_

"_Yes Jessica?" Karen glanced over._

"_Is Nathan mad at me?" she asked, slightly quivering._

_Karen's mouth dropped open "Jessica!" Her voice got quieter "Oh…Jessie, is that why you've been so quiet tonight?" She asked sympathetically only to get no response._

"_Jessica why would you think Nathan was mad at you?" There was a moment of silence while Jessica played with the thread on the couch. Then she started her slow explanation that she had been playing over in her head the past two weeks._

"_I can't go to his games. I'm not a good sister. He has to take care of me all the time I'm just a burden." Jessica finished in a small whisper before she started crying._

"_Oh Jessica, that's not true. You're an amazing sister for just wanting to go to his games. You are the furthest thing from a burden. Nathan wouldn't have lived through Haley leaving if it wasn't for you. Where would Nathan be now if you weren't there when he needed you most?... Jessie?" She looked over at the couch and found Jessica asleep with tear stains on her cheeks knowing that she had cried herself to sleep towards the end of her speech._

_Karen was waiting for Nathan when he came home and looking at the clock she realized that something was up…he'd only been gone for two hours and a usual game lasted for four. "Why so early?" she asked with a look of concern flashing in her eyes._

"_Faulty wiring," Nathan shrugged "the gym went dark and we all had to evacuate. The game was rescheduled. We're back there tomorrow night if the electrician can fix the problem." Nathan didn't look to happy as he sighed "Can you watch her tomorrow?" he asked looking at Karen with hopeful eyes._

"_Of course Nathan, I'm always here for you when you need me" Karen said with a reassuring smile._

"_Ok…thank you so much" Nathan sat down next to Jessica on the couch and began stroking her blonde hair so much like their mother's._

"_Listen Nathan, about tonight…" Karen started "Jess thought you were mad at her."_

"_What?" He looked up like Karen she had grown three heads._

"_I know it's crazy but I had to convince her that she wasn't just a burden to you. Talk to her tomorrow ok?"_

"_Yea…yea definitely." Nathan said looking confused. How could Jess think that?_

_When Karen went to go to the bathroom, Nathan picked Jessica up to put her in bed._

"_Mmm?" Jessica started to stir in Nathan's arms_

"_Shhh Jess. It's just me. Go back to sleep." Nathan said quietly_

"_Did Karen go home yet?" Jessica asked sleepily snuggling into Nathan's chest._

"_Not yet." Nathan said gently setting Jess down and beginning to put blankets over her._

"_Mmmk…tell her I said thanks."_

"_Sure baby." Nathan smiled, reminding himself of the conversation with Karen. "You ok Jess?"_

"_Yea Nate…I promise" Jessica said, but she thought, I don't want to burden you with the pain I feel._

_flashback ended_

Strike three…I officially suck as an older brother. With that thought in his mind he left the hospital room after kissing Haley and his sister so that he could be well rested for the game tomorrow…and he'd win it for the two most important people in his life.


	7. A Little Bit of Happiness

Chapter 7

Jessica's POV

I open my eyes only to shut them immediately when I see the sunlight in my face. I also feel a throbbing pain in my head, but I wasn't in the apartment….where was I?

Opening my eyes once more and sitting up despite the agonizing pain in my head I could see I was in a hospital room with extremely stupid blue striped wall paper, Nathan would get a kick out of that! Speaking of Nathan…where is he!

"Nathan?" I ask to the air

"Nathan?" I ask again feeling my breathing speed up.

"N-Nathan…where are you?" oh no…no please don't let me have an attack again…please…I don't want to be knocked out and relive my nightmare. Nathan can't know that I'm still scared...wait…the doctor told me something!

What did he tell me…breathe! "That's it…breathe Jess breathe" I whisper to myself as I concentrate everything I have on the rise and fall of my chest. I was concentrating so hard in fact that I almost didn't hear someone enter my room.

I look up to see Haley with a smile on her face, which is something that I don't see that often anymore since she's always at work.

"Haley?" I ask afraid that she was just a figment of my imagination.

"Yeah, Jess?" she answers

I breathed a sigh of relief, "Why am I in the hospital?" I ask

"You don't remember?" Haley asks sitting on the hospital bed and searching my eyes.

"No, I don't remember…but I know that Nathan had to drug me because I feel like I was hit by a damn truck." I say rubbing my temples.

"Someone…broke into the apartment and attacked you in the bathroom." Haley says slowly looking to see what my reaction would be and seeing that I was un-phased by it she continued, "I called an ambulance, whoever attacked you slipped out the window when Nathan had his back turned."

"Oh… why did Nathan have to drug me Hales? Was I having a bad nightmare?" I ask fearing the answer.

Haley's POV

I only nod my head in response to her question because I can't bear to tell her the part about her almost punching Nathan. I know she'll feel horrible and freak out and I don't want her to have to do that today…I want her to forget all of the crap that's happened to her even if it's only for a day…I'll let Luke and Nathan get all the hard stuff out of her tomorrow. I'm also pretty happy that she doesn't remember the nightmare.

I look at the clock and realized that it was 5:00pm…damn those pills are strong!

I've passed the time buy doing homework or playing my guitar that Nathan had brought by this morning before going to school with Luke. That gives me an idea.

"Hey Jess, it's only a few hours before Nathan gets here…do you wanna do something fun before he shows up?" I ask catching her attention.

"Hell yeah Haley!" she says with a smile, "we don't get a chance to do a lot of things together."

"Well Jess, I'm going to change that once you get out of this crappy place." I say which made her smile even more…I've missed seeing that beautiful smile of hers…we all have.

I got off of the bed and went to grab my guitar that was in its case by the door when I heard the tiny plea "please don't leave" come from Jessica's lips.

I quickly grab my guitar and got back to the bed to see her smile return. "I'm not leaving Jess, we haven't had any fun yet!" Jessica laughed eyeing the guitar.

"What are you going to do with that Haley?" she asks with her voice a little on the shaky side, "You aren't going to make me sleep are you? Please don't make me sleep!"

My heart slowly broke into pieces as I saw Jess' eyes fill with tears. "No…I won't make you sleep Jess…but I will make you sing! I know you like too." I say praying silently to see the smile I've missed so much creep it's way across her face once more.

I hear a sigh of relief fall from her lips and I saw the smile replace the tears and fears, but what I don't expect to hear her say, "Can I play your guitar Haley?"

Jessica's POV

What Haley doesn't know is that I learned how to play guitar after she left Nathan. In a strange way…when I played…it didn't make him angry like everything else that reminded him of her did. Nathan loved Haley's music and hearing a guitar being played was like hearing a choir of Angels to him…I think it gave him hope.

Haley hands her guitar over without hesitation despite the many questions that are hidden in her eyes. Putting those aside I begin to strum the strings that had helped me and Nathan countless times when Haley was away on tour, I don't expect any words to come from my lips… but they do anyway:

Into your head, into your mind  
out of your soul, race through your veins  
You can't escape, you can't escape.

Haley joins in which made us both smile

Into your life, into your dreams,  
Out of the dark, sunlight again.  
You can't explain, you can't explain.

Before we know it we are both singing…so this is what happiness feels like.

Can You feel it, can you feel it,  
Rushin' through your hair,  
Rushin' through your head,  
Can you feel it, can you feel it,

Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,  
Be every color that you are,  
Into the rush now,  
You don't have to know how,  
Know it all before you try.

It's eye brow raise worthy at how in sync we are it's an amazing feeling…I'm going to miss it when it's gone, but I keep singing… alone this time.

Pulling you in, spinning you 'round,  
Lifting your feet right off the ground,  
You can't believe it's happening now.

Just when I'm about to feel as alone as anyone on Earth could get, Haley joins in and makes the smile come back.

Can You feel it, can you feel it,  
Rushin' through your hair,  
Rushin' through your head,  
Can you feel it, can you feel it,

Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,  
Be every color that you are,  
Into the rush now,  
You don't have to know how,  
Know it all before you try.

Haley takes the next verse and blows me away like she did the night I first heard her sing,

It takes you to another place,  
imagine everything you can.  
All the colors start to blend,  
Your system overloads again.

Can You feel it?

At this point we're at the last verse of the song so we give it everything we have.

Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,  
Be every color that you are,  
Into the rush now,  
You don't have to know how,  
Know it all before you try.

Don't let nobody tell you,  
Don't let nobody tell you,  
Don't let nobody tell you your life is over,  
Be every color that you are,  
Give into the rush now,  
You don't have to know how,  
Know it all before you try.

When we finish the song Haley and I looked at each other laughing and smiling…for once in this screwed up month…I'm truly happy, but I freeze when I hear clapping and whistling coming from the door. Haley's mouth is open so wide I'm afraid that it's going to fall on the floor when she see's who is in the doorway.

"Brooke…Peyton, Don't you have a game to be cheering at?" Haley asks when she found her voice.

"What fun is it when our two favorite cheerleaders aren't there with us?" Brooke says bouncing into the room with a giggle and giving me and Haley a hug.

"Ok, who are you and what in the hell have you done with the real Brooke?" I ask with a laugh, "Last time I walked out of a game I thought you were going to lose your voice because you were yelling at me so much."

"That was before I knew why you left the gym in the first place…I didn't know being around a lot of people freaked you out…it didn't before…you know." She says with a sympathetic smile, "all is forgiven J. Scott"

"Thanks Brooke" I say giving her a hug.

"I know…I'm amazing aren't I?" Brooke says giggling.

"No Brooke, what's amazing is Haley and Jess singing together!" Peyton says as she sits on the hospital bed.

I can feel my cheeks getting hot…the only people that know I can sing are Haley and the shower…I don't even sing for Nathan! It feels weird to me to get a compliment. I've never really gotten a lot of them in my life, but I sure as hell never want to stop getting them.

Haley's POV

Brooke, Peyton, Jess, and I are playing a game of Truth since we can't do any Dares in a hospital. We've been laughing and smiling just like old times and Nathan and Lucas would be here soon…I've almost accomplished my goal of giving her the perfect day.

"ok…so Jess what's your most embarrassing moment?" Brooke asks with her perfect smile

"Oh Jesus! Do I have to do this Brooke?" Jess wines covering her face in her hands.

"Yes you do…the games called Truth!" Brooke says with a bubbly laugh

Jess had opens her mouth and was just about to speak when we hear the voice of Satan's mistress himself, "well, well, well…four cheerleaders in the same room I'm in my own personal heaven!"

Jessica's mouth is closed and her eyes go wide when she sees Tim standing at the door.

Brooke jumped off the bed and went into bitchy mode, "What the hell to you think you're doing here!" she yells.

"Why…I was coming to see my pretty little sex toy." He says innocently, but he has a lustful look in his eyes…which is probably why Jess is freaking out so much.

"Oh you son of a bitch!" Brooke yells lunging foreword, but Peyton grabs her around the waist and holds her back.

Jessica's POV

Brooke is trying to claw Tim's eyes out with her perfectly manicured hands and Peyton is having a really hard time holding her back.

I'm inching slowly backward reaching for the call button and pushing it:

1 _This is gonna be good_

2 _Keep looking sacred…mess with his head_

3_ …Nathan and Lucas are at the door with fire in their eyes_

4_ Nathan has Tim up against the wall with a bloody nose and swollen eye and he wont stop hitting him._

_5 Lucas is yelling into the hall_

_6 Policemen are in my room, Tim has silver glinting on his wrists, and his blood is dripping on the floor_

_7 The same policemen are pushing Tim out of my room and Nathan has anger chiseled on his face, while Lucas comes over to me, takes the call button out of my hand, and enfolds me in his arms._


	8. When Questions Become Too Much

_Chapter 8_

Nathan's POV

Lucas and I had just played one of the best games of our lives and went back to see Jessie. When we got to her room Tim was standing in the doorway and Jess had a scared look on her face.

All of the girls were sitting on the bed wondering what was going on and why he was here until Brooke got up and asked him the question. His answer pissed off everyone, especially me. "Why I was coming to see my pretty little sex toy." He said it as if she were the one that wanted to be raped ,to have her insides torn to shreds so that he could please himself, and Brooke lost it.

Peyton held her back and Tim thought he was safe, but little did he know that I was behind him…waiting to pounce. I did…and needless to say I had beat the crap out of him while Jessica pushed the call button hoping to get some help. So here I stand at the window watching my sister hold herself tight because a male cop named Jason is in the room. Although my sister seems to be willing to help put her rapist in police custody…she's still afraid of men she doesn't know being around her. Thankfully there is a woman in the room as well:

"My name is detective Carolyn James." the woman says with a smile and Jess can only stare at Jason and shrink back into the pillows on the bed. Carolyn seems to know what's going on because she looks at Jason who takes the hint and walks over to Haley and starts to ask her questions and once Jess sees that it's her and Carolyn she relaxes her body just a little bit.

Jessica's POV

"Your name is Jessica right?" the lady who has just introduced herself as Carolyn asks me.

"Ye-ye-yes mam" I say afraid that if I say the wrong thing she'll get mad.

"You don't have to do that you can call me Lyn if you want." She says with a smile

"Th-that's not what my brother taught me mam" I say hoping she won't yell at me for denying her request.

She opens up a file in her hands and says, "You and your brother are emancipated right?"

"Yes mam" I say, "my parents were never really around for me…" noticing she wasn't at all angry with me I begin to talk again, "when they were, they weren't exactly the mother and father of the year."

"Oh…how so?" she asks calmly

"My Dad was an alcoholic and would beat me if he got mad… and my mother… mostly ignored me if she wasn't high cursing me out" I say

"Oh…I see…is this your brother…the one who's emancipated?" she asks pointing to Lucas

"No mam, he's over by the window." I say

"Looking at this I see that you've had a lot of broken bones and wounds that needed stitches…were those all from your Dad?" she asks

"Yes mam." I say feeling the tears spill onto my cheeks, but she's un-phased and asks the next question.

"It also says that you were raped…do you want to talk about that?" she asks

I open my mouth to say no, but I start hyperventilating instead. Inside my head is reeling and a thousand things flood my mind. _Why won't she let me breathe? Is she against me too? I thought that the cops were supposed to protect and serve the people! Maybe I don't deserve to be protected. I just need five minutes to breathe…she doesn't care about how these questions affect me! _

I don't know how exactly, but the words "give me five minutes" fall from my lips between many gasps for air.

She nods her head and slowly leaves the room with Jason at her heels. When she has left my breathing starts to slow, but my lungs and mind still feel constricted by how fast she's asking the questions while completely disregarding my emotions.

"Leave….please leave" I whisper in a broken voice that I haven't heard in a while. The tears that "Lyn" didn't seem to notice don't go unnoticed by the people in the room and everyone complies with the request without any objection….all except Nathan.

I pull my legs up to my chest despite the sharp pains that run through them and take slow and deep breaths with my forehead on my knees. With each breath my mind slowly clears and the tears subside to mere sniffles, but when I look up what I see makes me want to burst into tears all over again.

Nathan has a single tear slowly falling down his cheek and is staring at the cracks in the floor as if they caused him extreme pain and anguish. I take this as my cue to get up and comfort him, but the moment my feet touch the floor I have to fight the urge to scream because of how bad my legs and head hurt, no doubt it's what my attacker did to me, but Nathan needs me right now, so I silently and painfully make it over to the wall he's leaning against. 

I reach out to touch his shoulder, but he opens his mouth to speak so I draw back.

"Why does everything horrible have to happen to you Jess?" he whispers to the floor.

I only stare.

"I've raised you since you were born, I kissed away every tear and scrape when you were younger, I protected you from monsters in your closet and the monster known as our father, but why is it that I can't protect you from your rapist?" he says looking at me.

"I…I don't know Nathan. Maybe this is God's way of making me pay for the sins of our fucked up family" I say shaking my head

"No one should have to deal with a rape and it's aftermath on their own. Sure our family is screwed up to the point of no return, but there is no way that God wants you to be alone in this!" he says with his eyes on me.

I only nod slowly and then brake the silence.

"I can understand you trying to protect me from the rape aftermath, but I'm…I'm just sorry that you wasted your life raising me Nathan." I say leaning against the wall next to him.

"Why the hell did that come from Jessie?" he asks putting his arm around me.

I put my head on his shoulder and take a deep breath.

"Brooke asked me what my most embarrassing moment was during a game of Truth before Tim came in, and the _truth_ is that ever since I was a little kid you always had to take care of me Nathan. Most kids had their Mom, Dad, or both when they were little._ You_ were the one who put me to bed at night. _You_ taught me how to tie my shoes, and _you_ potty trained me because the first time Mom tried, she was so high on pills, she dropped me into the toilet and you never let her touch me again! _You_ always had to take me with you everywhere you went all because you were afraid that Dad would beat my ass for no reason, but then again it didn't stop him form doing it when we got home. _You_ always had me tagging along; _you_ never really got to be a kid Nathan….you had to be my parents, and it's embarrassing to admit that your parents don't love you enough to raise you." I say

He turns to face me and looks straight into my eyes and says, "If I hadn't raised you Jess, you'd be in a box engulfed in ice cold Earth and you know it. If I hadn't done what I have for you….who would've? I got to watch you grow up baby, Mom and Dad missed everything from your first word to your first day of freshman year and I got to see it. I don't know how in the hell you're a straight A student because I'm not, but as far as I'm concerned raising you is NEVER a waste of my life." He says wiping the tears that I hadn't noticed were falling from my eyes.

Then he pulls me into a hug and holds me for a long time until a knock at the door reveals Lyn, her trusty tape recorder, and her lapdog of a partner named Jason.

"You ready now?" she asks with a forced smile on her face.

"Bring it on bitch." I say winking at Nathan who laughs, honest to God laughs, for the first time in what seems like years.


	9. Answers From A Broken Angel

Chapter 9

Jessica's POV

"So Jess, what happened to you the day you were raped?" Lyn asks

"Don't call me Jess!" I snap

"Ok…Jessica, what happened the day you were raped?" she asks again

"I was walking to Karen's Café after the Amnesty International meeting at school, it was raining….a lot, my clothes were soaked, and I was chilled to the bone." I say looking at the floor instead of her already pity filled eyes.

Staring at my bare feet I continue, "I was supposed to meet Nathan, Lucas, and Haley at the Café and I had stupidly told Nathan that I didn't need a ride…I was so busy beating myself up for not asking such a simple favor that when a car pulled up beside me, I thought it was Nathan, but Tim was in the drivers seat instead." I say raising my eyes to meet hers.

"Why did you get in the car with Tim?" she asks

"Well, he said that Nathan was worried about me and that he had sent Tim to pick me up….and Tim used to be Nathan's best friend before him and Haley got married so I figured that Tim was being nice….trying to get back into my brothers good graces you know?" I say

"That makes sense…then what happened?" she prods

" I got into the car… and.. realized that we were going the wrong way." I say looking at hands and trying to regulate my breathing.

" Why didn't you escape then?" she asks

"Don't you think that I tried that!" I yell

"I don't know… did you?" she says with a smirk on her face.

I ignored her and went on with my story…because the sooner I finished…the sooner she'd leave, " He locked the door…and…no matter how hard I tried to get out…nothing worked." I say feeling the tears fall

Lyn opens her mouth to speak, but I ignore her and keep on going.

"He pulled into his driveway saying "Oh it's okay baby, I won't hurt you too bad. I always had a thing for cheerleaders. Then I punched him… in order to get away, but…he squeezed a pressure point in my neck that made me go as limp as a corpse…..which was how he was able to get me upstairs." I say

"Then, once we got to his room…he laid me on the bed…putting my hands in a vice like grip above my head so that I couldn't fight him off of me…..I screamed no the entire time he was stripping my clothes off." I say pulling my legs to my chest

" I've had nightmares about the rape…I projected my mind somewhere else the entire time it happened, but I guess my brain remembers every pain …and it shows me what I don't remember in my nightmares." I say

" What things does it show you?" she asks

"It was if his anger and rage went from his brain, to his neck and his shoulders. It trickled down his back, to the base of his spine and ran trails over his skin when he would shift his hips. He pushed slowly and just so, sliding deeper, just to hear me scream." I say as if I were in a trance.

"Anger and rage over what?" Lyn asks tilting her head

Her question snaps me back to my babbling self.

" Tim said that he was only raping me in order to get back at Nathan for forgetting about him. He said that…. the thing that would hurt Nathan…most in the world….was…to rape me, to hurt me and scar me for life." I say looking around the room till I find Nathan and seeing him paler than the hospital sheets themselves.

Lyn grabs a tape recorder that I hadn't noticed was there and ran out of the room with a cell phone in her hands as well as Jason at her heels, and all I did was push the call button until a nurse comes in and I ask, "Can I go home?"

Nathan's POV

My knuckles are white on the steering wheel of my car and Jess is beside me. Everyone else is at the Café so that Jess and I can have some time to talk about what she told Lyn.

I can't get her words out of my head. It's as if someone hit the loop button in my brain and all I can hear is Jess' voice breaking down as she says, " Tim said that he was only raping me in order to get back at Nathan for forgetting about him. He said that…. the thing that would hurt Nathan…most in the world….was to rape me, to hurt me, and scar me for life."

I can't help but think that everything that's happened to my sister is my fault. Every decision I've ever made has effected both of our lives, but the decision to marry Haley and make myself happy is the cause for all of her sorrow and fear.

When I pull into the parking lot of our apartment and shut off the engine, Jess bolts from the car so fast that by the time I catch up to her she's already in the house and has locked herself in her bedroom.

I knock on the door saying, "Jess, we need to talk about what you told the cop at the hospital."

I don't hear anything so I put my ear to the door. I hear her softly singing the song **Apologies by Dropping Daylight**…it was her favorite song before she was raped.

I normally wouldn't listen, but I've never heard her sing before.

_On and on we carry on  
We turn off and turn on the same old song  
and I can't get you to sing along  
so sit down and shut up or leave me_

Press rewind, turn back time  
That won't change a thing

What could I say? What could I do?  
Send your apologies to me.  
I couldn't give anything more.  
Send your apologies to me.

Today we say a little more  
I forgot what we were fighting for  
and tomorrow you are out the door  
no reply, its goodbye, and its easy

We could replay every scene  
it just won't change a thing

What could I say? What could I do?  
Send your apologies to me.  
I couldn't give anything more.  
Send your apologies to me.

On and on we carry on and never seem to get along  
On and on we carry on and never seem to get along  
On and on we carry on and never seem to get along

What could I say? What could I do?  
Send your apologies to me.  
I couldn't give anything more.  
Send your apologies to me.

I let the words wash over me and stood at the door for awhile, but when I knocked on the door again, I swear I could hear Jess' heart stop in her chest.

"Jess, we need to talk about what you told the cop at the hospital." I say again

"Go away Nathan." She says bitterly

"Jess we need to.." I start

"We don't need to do anything Nathan!" she yells, "Leave me alone, I don't want to talk about it right now ok!"

"Jessie…please let me in? We won't talk about it if you don't want to, but please don't lock me out." I plead knowing that the memories of what she just shared were tearing her up inside….and I don't want her to be alone when she breaks.

"Nathan! I need you to leave me the hell alone!" she yells and I can hear her voice tremble, but if she wants to be alone…fine! She'll get her wish. With those thoughts running through my mind, I slam out of the apartment and start running to the one place that could help me clear my head…the River Court.


	10. Events That Have Transpired

Chapter 10

Nathan's POV

I'm at the river court and a basketball is in my hands that I had taken from the car on the way here. Every shot I send towards the basket swishes in the net, or should I say chinks because the net is made out of chains. The chink of the chains is the only outside sound I'm allowing into my subconscious.

I'm thinking about everything that's transpired over the past few days and the more I remember…the more shots I sink. I guess rage fuels my game.

"_What the hell was that Nathan!" Lucas whispered_

"_They're…sedatives, I got them the night we took her to the hospital after Haley found out she'd been raped."_

_**Chink**._

I move back outside the three foot line, right side.

"_She's putting up a front to make you think she's fine." Haley said slowly_

**Chink.**

I move to half court

"_Why…I was coming to see my pretty little sex toy." Tim said innocently_

**Chink**

I move to the other side of the court, right below the other basket.

"_Tim said that he was only raping me in order to get back at Nathan for forgetting about him. He said that…. the thing that would hurt Nathan…most in the world….was to rape me, to hurt me, and scar me for life."_

**Chink**

This was something unnatural…it's like I can't miss! Damn, if Whitey could see me right now! I'm lining up another shot when I hear it.

"Nice shot son! How in the hell did you do that!" Dan says from the sidelines

"I just thought about the crappy childhood you gave me and Jess." I say shooting.

**Chink**

"Oh, I think it's more than that Nathan." Dan says snidely

"The one that I just made was because I was thinking about the childhood that you and mom gave Jess and I. The first full court shot you saw me make…do you really want to know? "I ask

"I would." He says

"She was raped Dad." I say

" Wh..WHAT!" he yells

"Tim Smith raped Jess Dad." I say

"You're telling me that your best friend raped my daughter!" he yells again, "How could you let that happen Nathan!"

"Wow Dad, in the fourteen years that Jess has been alive…that is the first time that you have ever called her your daughter." I say watching Dan's eyes fall "It's sad that it took someone taking away her innocence, violating her in the worst possible way, to make you realize that you actually have a child." I say

"How the hell can you say that to me Nathan!" he whispers

"You know damn well how I'm able to say that to you Dad. Oh wait, that's right! You get so wasted you don't remember anything!" I yell

"For years you beat up Jessica only to ask how she got the bruises in the morning! Did you ever notice how she was afraid to look you in the eyes when you asked her that question?" I ask

"Nathan…I…." he starts

"You know what Dad, save it! I have a wife and sister that I need to get home to." I say walking off my haven and heading towards home.

Jessica's POV

The words of the great band Our Lady Peace and the song **"A Story About A Girl"** are filtering through my ears right now. This song reminds me of Nathan. I don't want to see him right now because I had to retell the story of the rape to a stranger and because I had to retell the story I feel like the rape is happening again. My worst fear is he'll see me as its happening, so this song is the only way I can have the security of Nathan here without actually having him here.

**Suddenly something I'm not  
You're something that you bought  
Was it something I said, my friend  
A little girl are you tripping on this  
Are you tripping all over it  
You better come up for air**

_I can remember and feel his breath on my neck, my arms being held over my head, and the numbness slowly fading as he's slicking himself up._

**Story about a girl  
My  
Story about the world  
My**

_I can remember feel the mind numbing pain as he forces himself inside my body and how dirty and broken I felt. I feel the tears flowing down my cheeks as I remember the hit he sent to my temple when I asked him why._

**And are you waking up slowly  
You're nothing but lonely  
Are you waking up holding  
Holding your breath  
And are you looking for something  
I promised you one thing  
I promise Ill always  
Always be  
There**

_I remember how I just took everything because I sent my mind somewhere else Why didn't I try and fight after the numbness wore off? Am I just that stupid?_

**I know  
Its stuck inside your head  
You're alone  
You better get used to it  
And I know  
The feeling has to end  
You're strong  
It sucks you in again  
And you're lost  
You cant make any sense  
This world  
It tears you limb from limb  
And hold on  
You're nothing but the best**

_I remember a new bit: his other words as he moved inside me besides him telling me why he raped me, "I get to have sex with a cheerleader and hurt my former best friend at the same time." "You're a worthless piece of shit you know that Jess? Your such a baby, you need your big brother for everything don't you? "I don't know why he saved you from being beaten by your daddy…you weren't worth it." _

**And are you waking up slowly  
You're nothing but lonely  
Are you waking up holding  
Holding your breath  
Are you looking for something  
I promised you one thing  
I promise Ill always  
Always be there**

_I remember getting up, putting on my clothes, and sprinting from his house, leaving my cell phone as I fled. I remember running to the apartment and straight into the shower. I scrubbed so hard that my skin was raw and bleeding and I passed out from the pain.  
_**  
With all my faith  
And all my heart  
And all those simple things you are**

I'm bawling now. I'm sitting on my bed, bawling because of the memories that won't go away no matter how hard I try to forget them. Then I hear the click of my bedroom door lock and feel my mattress droop, but when hands touch me I jump out of my skin. I fall backwards off of my bed and onto the floor. I thought that Tim was coming to rape me again, so when the same hands touch me and pull me back onto the bed I'm crying even harder and shaking.

"Please…d-d-don't hurt me Tim! N-n-not again. I-I-…" I feel fingers under my chin that lifted my head to meet my brother's eyes.

"Hey kiddo." He whispers and that was all it took for me to bury my face in the crook of his neck.

Nathan's holding me in the security of his arms and all I can do is sob as the song ends.

**With all my faith  
And all my heart  
And all those simple things you are.**


	11. Even Angels Are Afraid

Chapter 11

Nathan's POV

When I got back from the River Court I went to check on Jess to see if she would talk to me, but when I went to her door, I heard the song "A Story About A Girl" playing as well as her broken sobs. Afraid of how long she'd been like that, I went and grabbed a paper clip in order to jimmy the lock on her door. When I got it open she was on her bed sobbing, so I went to touch her shoulder to show her I was there…I mean it's something that I've always done, but when I touched her shoulder, she jumped away from me and fell backwards off the bed. I went to help her up, but she only cried harder, and then…she called me Tim and started to beg me not to rape her again. I lifted her head up, only to see the terror in her eyes and had to keep myself from crying. It was then that I knew exactly how afraid she was, how hard it must've been for her to put on the mask that made everything seem okay so that she wasn't a burden, and now I feel even worse knowing that this whole thing was my fault.

So now, I sit here dwelling on the these thoughts as my fingers slowly run through her hair trying to make everything alright, wishing that this never happened to her, and knowing damn well that Tim Smith is going to jail for the rest of his life because I'm going to make sure of it.

Jessica's POV

We're still in my room on my bed, I'm not sure how long we've been here, but at least I've stopped crying. Nathan's back is against the headboard, his fingers are running through my hair, and I'm curled up in his lap with my head on his chest.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier Nathan…it's just…retelling that story to a complete stranger, especially one as bitchy as her….made me remember everything that happened that day. I didn't mean to yell…I just didn't want you seeing me while I was remembering it all." I whisper

"….Why?" he asks after awhile…it sounded like I had interrupted his train of thought

I took a deep breath, "because Nathan, when I remember the rape, I relive it. As I remembered Tim raping me, I felt every ounce of pain. As I remembered the words he told me, it's as if he was standing right behind me whispering them in my ear. As I remembered running out of his house and running to the apartment, I felt the pain in my chest and legs… every detail I remembered, I felt Nathan! Forgive me for not wanting you to see me reliving one of the worst moments of my life! I say feeling myself shaking again.

Nathan tightens his hold on me and whispers into my hair, "It's my fault that this happened to you Jess."

"What do you mean Nathan? ' I ask looking up at him.

"I heard what you told Lyn." he says

"Which part of the conversation are you talking about?" I ask

"The part when you told Lyn why Tim said he was… raping you. If I hadn't married Haley, Tim wouldn't have been forgotten, and you wouldn't have been raped." He says

"Nathan, the stuff that happened to me wasn't your fault. You and Haley deserve each other and just because Tim is a low life sadistic son of a bitch that raped his former best friend's sister in order to get back at him, doesn't mean you should blame yourself for being ha-happy and in love. I say hearing my voice break and feeling the tears fill my eyes.

"Hey…hey….what's with tears?" He whispers

"I thought…I thought that I wasn't afraid of him anymore, I mean…he's in jail right?" I ask wiping my tears with my shirt.

"Yeah…he's in jail." He whispers

"Then why am I still crying huh?" I ask

"Jess, you can tell me if this is true or not because I don't know what's going on in your head, but I don't think that you're afraid of him as much as you are of being raped again." He says wiping more of my fallen tears with his thumb.

My heart stops in my chest at that moment…Nathan's right.

"When will that fear go away?" I whisper noticing how broken my voice is.

"I don't know kiddo, but the only way you'll know for sure is to get back out into the world." He says

I thought about what he said for a moment, and then said:

"Nathan, do you think I could try to go back to school tomorrow? I mean, I know I freaked out at the game and stuff, but please let me try and plus I'm already two months ahead of my class so I don't have any make up work….I just…I don't want to be afraid anymore." I whisper

"Only you and Haley get pleasure out of working ahead Jess, but are you sure you wanna go back tomorrow? What about your injuries?" he asks

"I said I wanna try Nathan….I have to take it one step at a time right? My injuries shouldn't be a problem since I have pain medication." I say

"As long as you're sure." he whispers.

"Are you gonna be okay if I leave to go get Lucas and go to practice?" he asks getting up and stretching.

"Yeah, I'd be fine, but do you think I could go and see Brooke, Haley, and Peyton at cheer practice? I won't do any splits or flips I promise." I say smiling for the first time.

"Alright, sounds like a plan!" he says with a laugh as he looked at his watch, "oh damn! We got to get going! " he says and we rushed out the door and went to pick up Lucas.


	12. Going Back

**I'm sorry for the numerous gramatical errors that you've found in the previous chapters. I'm not stupid I swear! I'm in the National Honor Society at my Catholic High School. I don't know what came over me when I made all of those errors, I'm sorry that you had to read them, and I am doing my best to fix them. Please don't think that I'm an idiot...or dumb. I'm not, really I'm not!**

Chapter 12

It's 3:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about the looks of pity that some of the girls on the squad gave me when laid eyes on me. The worst part about it all is that if my own squad, my sisters in skanky uniform, the girls I've known for years, gave me looks of pity….imagine what everyone else will do.

I don't know if I can handle the whispers and stares that four hours will bring, but with my friends and family by my side, I'll make it through….I hope. I've asked myself why I'm doing this, I mean, I'm obviously not ready to go back…but the thing I've learned about myself is that if I don't face my fears when I'm most afraid…I never will.

Right now, I'm nursing a cup of scalding hot chocolate at the kitchen table. I remember countless nights when, after my parents went to sleep, Nathan and I would sneak out of the confines of our rooms and meet in the kitchen at midnight if we were still awake. We would drink the hot chocolate, clean up the mugs and the pot we used to make it in so our parents wouldn't know, talk until we felt tired, and go to our rooms and sleep till we had to go to school.

I wish that my sleepless nights were still that easy to fix. Just then I hear the shuffling of feet, and a voice ask "What are you still doing up?"

I look up to see Haley standing in front of me holding a mug as well.

"Worrying about four hours from now." I whisper

She takes a seat across from me, takes my mug from me, and then my hand in hers, "What are you afraid of?" she asks

"What people have said and will say." I say

" Some guys say that Tim's an ass, others say that he's a god. Every girl on campus knows that Tim is the sleeze bag from hell and believe you 100." She says

"How many guys have Nathan and Lucas punched?" I ask

"Seven" she says

Two hours, fifteen minutes, many cups of hot chocolate, and tons of girl talk later I walk into my bedroom and hop under the covers so that Nathan can believe that I slept. He opens my door the same time that my alarm goes off seven minutes later.

"Sleep Well?" he asks

"Yeah. What about you?" I ask

"Me too, are you_ sure_ that you wanna go back today Jess?" he asks

"Yeah Nate, I do." I say with sincerity and a smile. All the stuff that Haley said really helped me.

"Jess…can you do me a favor today?" he asks

"Sure." I say

"Can you talk to the guidance counselor at school today? She might give you the name of a rape survivors group or something. It might help in more ways than we can" He says looking at me with pleading eyes.

"Yeah…sure Nate." I say

"Promise?" he asks kissing his pinky and holding it out

"I promise" I say kissing my pinky and touching it to his.

He links our pinkies and holds my gaze saying, " You don't have to go to the group if you don't want to…I just want you to know that there are people that you can talk to that know what you've been through and are going through. Please don't think that I'm pushing you, or that I don't wanna help or anything."

"You're not pushing me…actually I think that it would help." I say

"Alright, meet me in fifteen minutes at the car okay?" he asks

"kay Nate." I say

I don't have time to take a shower, so I take off my pajamas, grab my jeans out of my dresser, and slip them on. I rummage through drawers until I find my black Aerosmith T-shirt and throw it on my bed. Next I put on my deodorant, get the crick out of my neck, and put my shirt on. Then I brush my hair, pull it back into a messy bun, and then find a black headband and slip it on as well.

I grab my satchel with five minutes to spare and walk out, lock the door, and down the stairs to the car where Nathan and Haley are waiting.

"I didn't know that you liked to dress like Peyton Jess." Nathan said with a laugh.

"Shut up Nate! This is how I always dress!" I say hitting his head as I get in the car.

When I get to school, everyone seems to be walking on eggshells around me. Students, teachers…..Nathan, everyone.

Mrs. Hobbs, my chemistry teacher, gives me more work so that I can get ahead and then she tells me, "take as long as you need sweetheart."

When I reply "No, that's ok Mrs. Hobbs, I'll have it on your desk tomorrow morning", she says, "Well, it's there when you need it Jess" and gives me the same look of pity that my squad members gave me.

I sail through my early morning classes and I get more work, which is what I want, anything to keep my mind off of the events that will be happening, especially Tim's trial.

When I get to my trig class, Mr. Glasgow isn't there. So, I figure that I can use the time to start doing the work I was given in my earlier classes. So, I start with my Chemistry.

**Balance the Equations:**

1.) Ca + AlCl3 → CaCl2 + Al

2.) NH3 + O2 → NO + H2O

3.) Al4C3 + H2O → CH4 + Al(OH)3

4.) H3PO4 + HCl → PCl5 + H2O

5.) C4H10 + O2 → CO2 + H2O

6.) I2 + HNO3 → HIO3 + NO2 + H2

7.) C6H6 + O2 → CO2 + H2O

8.) C2H3Cl + O2 → CO2 + H2O + HCl

9.) C4H10 + Cl2 + O2 → CO2 + CCl4 + H2O

10.) C7H10N + O2 → CO2 + H2O + NO2

My Answers…so far

1.) **3**Ca + **2**AlCl3 → **3**CaCl2 + **2**Al

2.) **4**NH3 + **5**O2 → **4**NO + **6**H2O

3.) Al4C3 + **12**H2O → **3**CH4 + **4**Al(OH)3

4.) H3PO4 + **5**HCl → PCl5 + **4**H2O

5.) **2**C4H10 + **13**O2 → **8**CO2 + **10**H2O

6.) I2 + **6**HNO3 → **2**HIO3 + **6**NO2 + **2**H2

I'm starting on problem number 7 when I feel someone tap my shoulder and I swear, I jumped about twelve feet in the air.

"Did I scare you Jess?" I hear someone ask

I turn to my right and see Jensen Rivers, the only other person, as well as freshman taking trig.

"Hey Jen, what's up?" I ask

"I'm glad that Glasgow isn't here, I need help with the chem.." he says with a laugh

"What are you working on?" I ask

"Same as you, different class. Can you help me?" he asks

"Jen, you're the first person that hasn't walked on eggshells around me today, of course I'll help you." I say

"I heard what happened…I'm sorry" he says

"Thanks" I whisper, "but you shouldn't be sorry…you didn't do it."

He smiles and tries to sneak a peek at my answers, but I cover them with my arm.

"Nice try buddy" I say with a laugh, "I'm going to teach you how to do it…not give you the answers."

So, we set off to work, and by the time the bell rang for our lunch period…Jen had everything down and nearly beat me in a race to finish the rest of the sheet from problem number 7.

We pack up our books, put them in our bags, and head out the door, but as we turn to go to the cafeteria I hear him say my name, "Jess, thanks for all your help and hey…you didn't do it either ok? Don't beat yourself up."

"I'll try." I whisper

"Hey, when you're up to it, I'll have a seat for you if you want it. I'll see you later" he says with a smile and disappears into the utter chaos that is lunch.


	13. An Idea of Art

I'm so sorry that it has taken me almost an entire year to update my story. My life has been just a little bit too crazy for my liking. Thank you for reading and for all of your support! A special thanks to IHeartJensen, if it wasn't this amazing person…you wouldn't have an update!

Chapter 13

Cinderella's on her bedroom floor she's got a  
Crush on the guy at the liquor store  
Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore and she forgets why she came here.

Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood for shame she says  
None for you dear prince, I'm tired today.   
I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

CHORUS  
I don't care for your fairytale  
You're so worried 'bout the maiden,  
though you know she's only waiting on the next best thing

The inspirational words of Sara Bareilles fill my ears as I try to filter out the sounds of basketballs slamming on the gym floor. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, trying to figure out how Jensen knew exactly what I needed to hear before I have to go to my fifth period class.

"Jess" I hear my name and I open my eyes as I take out one of the ear buds from my ears.

I see Nathan standing in front of me spinning a basketball on his finger and wriggling his eyebrows, I knew he was trying to make me laugh….but I couldn't stop thinking about Jensen. "Are you okay?" he asks as his brow furrows in worry.

"I'm fine…just thinking" I say

"How has your day been so far?" he asks watching my face intently.

"It's gone pretty well so far actually" I say with a smile, "I helped Jensen Rivers with his Chemistry homework."

"Not that I'm not proud of you baby, but you help everyone with their homework." He says a smile.

"I know that, but the reason why I'm so proud is because I was alone in a room with him…I was able to stay in a room with a boy without hyperventilating!" I say adding a smile for emphasis.

Nathan gives me the biggest smile I have ever seen and says, "If you're really proud, I'm really proud Jessie."

I jump up a give him a hug right as the bell rings signaling the end of lunch. I grab my satchel, stuff my I pod inside, and start heading towards my locker.

I watch my feet as I move through the halls because I know that if I look up, I'll see looks of pity, as well as how many people are in the hallway with me at one time…I'm not partial to crowds at this moment.

When I get to my locker I open the door, grab my camera, slam the door shut, and start running to our school's art building so that I'm not late for photography class. My legs hurt a little bit, but the pain helps me know that this good day is real, and not something I'm dreaming or making up.

I just make it into the building as the bell rings. Mr. Jamison, our photography teacher (he calls it photo though), is taking his place at the head of the classroom as I sit at the empty table in the middle of the room.

"Class, your photo assignment for the next two weeks is what you feel in your heart is a perfect representation of art." Mr. Jamison says looking out at the 7 people in our photo class.

"Miss Scott, what is your idea of art?" he asks

"Dance" I say without a second thought

"Why?" he prods.

"Well, dancers use their entire body, their facial expressions, and their movements to express the feelings that they or the character that they are portraying at that particular moment are feeling. They allow their bodies to speak the words that their mouths cannot." I say.

"Very insightful Miss Scott, thank you for your opinion" he says and then asks, "Does anyone else want to share their idea of art?" No one responds.

"Very well then, you may have the rest of the class period to figure out what you're going to do for your assignments." Mr. Jamison says as retreats back to his desk.

I start writing notes in my notebook about my topic and what I'm going to take pictures of when I hear my name, "Jessica?" I turn around to see Jensen in the back of the classroom.

"Can I sit with you?" he asks

"Sure." I say

He picks up everything on his table, shoulders his camera, and makes his way over to my table. "What's your topic going to be?" he asks sitting down.

"Self expression" I say with a small smile on my face.

"Nice. The smart girls take all the good ones" Jensen says with a slight laugh.

We sit in silence for a moment and then Jensen says, "You used to dance."

"How did you know that?" I ask

"You said that dancers allow their bodies to speak the words that their mouths cannot, people who speak about an art form with that much passion usually are doing it or have done it at some point in their lives." He says

"I really loved it" I whisper

"Why'd you stop?" he asks gently

I didn't want to think about the reason. "I have to keep some mystery about me or else you'll get bored with me and move on to someone younger." I say trying to change the subject with the best movie line that I thought would fit the situation.

"You've seem CAMP? I love that movie!" he says with a laugh

"Wow…I didn't expect you to get that" I say truthfully, "I use movie lines when I don't want to think about the answer to a question and change the subject at the same time."

"I'm sorry….I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." He says looking the table top and mentally kicking himself.

"It's alright…you didn't know" I say then ask, "What is your topic going to be?"

"Well, I was listening to the way that you spoke about dance and I was wondering…..I mean, you have every right to say no….would you show me where I could take pictures of dancers in Tree Hill….I mean, I've lived here all my life and I never knew that a dance world existed here." He says looking at his hands and rubbing them together probably to fight off nervousness.

I don't really know what to say…I don't really trust guys and I'm definitely not ready to walk around town alone with one. I start to open my mouth to object, but then he looks up at me and says:

"I know that you probably don't feel like trusting me after everything that's happened…but I need this grade."

"Yeah…sure I'll help you Jensen, I just have one request." I say

"Name it sister" he says with a slight laugh

"Nathan has to come with me." I say

"Jess, your whole family can come with you if you want" he says with a smile, "thank you very much….if I don't get an amazing grade on this project and keep my 4.0 average…my old man will send me to military school."

My eyes widen. "I'll help you in any way that I can Jensen. When do you want get started…we only have two weeks to do this thing.

"Is this weekend okay with you?" he asks

"Yeah, just let me talk to my brother about it." I say as the bell rings

"You don't know how much this means to me. Thank You again." he says as he picks up his things and heads off to last period.

Since my last period is cheerleading and I can't practice with my hurt legs, Brooke makes me watch the new routines knowing I'll remember them. Although, I didn't really pay attention because all I could think about was what in the hell could Jensen Rivers possibly want with me.


	14. When the Past Starts Catching Up

Nathan's POV

As I endure yet another lengthy practice after school at the hands of Whitey, I wonder if Jessie actually met with our school counselor Mrs. Ellingson. I get my answer once she walks through the gym doors with hell fire in eyes.

"Nathan! Get over here now!" Whitey yells blowing his whistle.

"Yes Sir?" I ask

"You better go check on your sister…she looks like she's going to punch a hole in something." he says looking over at Jessica who's now running her hand through her hair as she sits by the wall watching Brooke and the other cheerleaders perfect a routine.

I start to jog over to where she is sitting and I see Peyton start talking to her.

"Jess…Jess look at me…are you alright?" she asks

Jessica just shakes her head in response and by the way she sets her jaw I can tell that she is one pissed off girl. What in the hell did Ellingson say to her?

When I reach her she looks up at me, gets up, and storms outside. When I catch up with her, I find her pacing in front of the school sign and it looks like she wants to rip it to pieces.

"You know…today was going so well" she says as she keeps pacing

"Yeah I know baby… what the hell happened?!" I ask

Her whole body goes rigid and I can hear her growl.

"So, I did what you said Nate. I went to meet with Ellingson" She said with her voice cracking, eyes filling with tears.

I tried to put my hand on her shoulder, but she twisted away.

"Do you know what she said?!" she yelled

"No. What did she say?" I whispered

"I walk into her office and she says, "I already know what happened, the whole school seems to know. I'm sorry that this happened to you, no one deserves that", but she said it with this look of pity on her face that made my stomach turn." she said

I know that she hates it when people look at her with pity, that is something that she has never been able to stand, but that isn't enough to make her want to cry. There's something that she isn't telling me

"What aren't you telling me Jessie?" I asked her putting both of my hands on her shoulders forcing her to stay in one place.

She looked up at me and then looked away, she couldn't keep eye contact with me, which made me realize something…she was scared shitless.

Her shoulders started shaking under my hands as she started talking, "She started talking to me about the trial. She said that I was going to have to testify…to relive it all."

I pulled her to my chest as the tears started streaming down her face "Hey hey hey, it's alright. We're going to get our lawyer on the phone when we get home. We're going to figure it all out."

"What if she's right? What if I'm going to have to testify? I can't do that Nathan! I can't relive that again when I know that people will never believe me!" She said holding me tighter.

"I know baby. I know. I promise that we're going to get to the bottom of this…I promise." I whispered into her hair.


	15. Preparing to Face the Demon

There are moments during this whole ordeal when I ask myself wheather or not this whole thing is a terrible nightmare that no o

There are moments during this whole ordeal when I ask myself whether or not this whole thing is a terrible nightmare that no one, not even my older brother (my rock and my protector), can wake me up from.

I mean, after Ellingson told me that I was going to have to testify, everything became a blur. I don't even know how I ended up outside the gym in Nathan's arms, but now I sit in our kitchen with Lucas on my left and Haley on my right listening to my brother yell at our Lawyer and seeing his face change from tan, to red, to purple. I feel a hand on my leg and I jump about 12 feet in the air causing my already pained legs to hit the underside of the table. I bite on my lower lip to keep from crying out, but I don't think it works because Nathan is at my side in 2.5 seconds and Lucas has the phone in his hand and is taking his turn with the Lawyer.

Nathan scoops me up in his arms and I automatically lay my head on his shoulder and bury my face into the crook of his neck. I feel his lips ghost over my forehead as he carries me to the bathroom and then sets me down on the counter. My legs are trembling so hard that my entire body is vibrating on the counter top. I bite down on my lip as Nathan starts searching for the first aid kit with the ice packs. My eyes take in the place I now find myself in. The red walls, the shower with it's really ugly puke green curtain, the boarded up window… and now there's a metal taste in my mouth.

Nathan turns around with the ice packs in his hands and places them on my trembling legs, well thighs to be more specific. He starts running the ice packs down my legs and he keeps repeating it until the trembling stops completely.

"Baby, what are you looking at?" he asks softly

When I don't answer him his thumb starts moving on my jaw bone to get me to release my lip and when I do release it I feel the blood run down the side of my face.

The next thing I feel is a burn and I whimper and shrink back.

"You're okay baby. I got you. I know that it hurts, but it'll be over in a minute." He says as he tilts my face to the left and applies the alcohol soaked cotton ball to my skin.

As my eyes shift from the cotton ball, they fall once again on the boarded up window. I can hear Nathan's body shift as he follows my gaze.

"We still don't know who broke in the window baby and I'm sorry about that and I'm sorry about the pain that you're in, but we have bigger fish to fry sweetheart. It looks like your testimony is the only thing that would compel a jury to keep him behind bars." He says as he hops up onto the counter next to me.

I nod slowly. I know now that there's no possible way that I can get out of testifying and that scares me even more than my drugged up mother and my drunken father coming after me in the nightmares that I used to have as a child, but the more he talks about it, the more my head is going to be consumed by it, and I really don't want to become the shell of a person that I was a month ago.

"Nate." I whisper, "I need to talk to you about a project that I have for school."

"Why are you changing the subject Jessica?" He asks

"Because if I think about having to look into his face as I recount the tale of my rape, I'll vomit. What you don't seem to understand is that I know that I have to do this. I know that by testifying I am possibly saving other girls from this horrible tragedy and I am going to testify, but I need to be able to experience other parts of my life in order to not be consumed by this black hole of a tragedy again. You remember what I used to be like, I really don't want to go back there again. Let me talk to you about something else" I pleaded, "please Nathan."

"Ok." He nods, "What do you have to do?"

"Well, it's more like who do I have to help." I say slowly looking up at him.

"What do you mean have to help? Who's threatening you?!" He snaps

"No, Nate. It's nothing like that at all. You see, my friend Jensen Rivers needs help with the photo project that we were assigned and I'm the only one who can help him." I say

I can see the skeptical look cross his features.

"The only reason why I agreed to help him was because he said that you, or my whole family could come with me. I want you to come Nathan. I'm not ready to be alone with someone yet. It's still to scary for me." I whisper

"Why are you the only person that can help him sweetheart?" He asks threading his fingers through mine.

"He wants to go to the ballet studio. I'm the only girl that he knows that has connections there." I say tapping my thumb on his knuckles.

He squeezes my hand and then uses his other hand to brush the hair out of my eyes. "When?" he asks

"It's sometime this weekend, but I'll get the specifics from him tomorrow." I say

"Ok baby, you'll find me after you talk to him right?" He asks hopping off the counter.

"You'd assume I was kidnapped if I did anything else." I say with a laugh

"Jess, I'm just looking out for you." He says

" I know. You always have." I say as he helps me off the counter and leads me into the hallway.

"It's my job." He says squeezing my hand for emphasis

"Nathan" I say jerking his arm so that he stills before we enter the living room, "Jensen knows what happened to me."

"Jess, the whole town knows what happened to you." He says

"No, it's more than that. He always knows the right stuff to say, the right way to approach me." I say

"Maybe you should talk to him about testifying." Nathan says, "Maybe it will help you when you have to do it in court."

"Yeah…maybe" I say effectively dropping the conversation and allowing Nathan to lead me into the living room

Luke looks at me as I walk in, tells the Lawyer, "I have to go" ,and hangs up the phone.

"The lawyer said that you could testify outside of the courtroom if you can't bare to look at him." He says

I feel Nathan squeeze my hand because he knows that this is my way out, but I find myself shaking my head and telling him, "No, tell her that I'm going to do it looking into his smug face. By not showing up to testify, he'll know I fear him and then even if he gets convicted, he wins."

"That's the cruel truth." Lucas says nodding

"Well, he's not going to get the satisfaction." I say squeezing Nathan's hand.


	16. Author's NoteRequest

Hey guys

Hey guys. I just want to thank all of you who read this fic. It's really touched my heart, all the advice that I've gotten from a few of ya'll (I'm from Texas lol) and it's really helped me make this fic what it is today. Although, I would really love to hear your opinions on how this fic is going, what you like and dislike, also if there is anything that I can improve on. I want to give you guys a story that touches your heart you know? Please let me know how I can do that. )

Love,

Sara Adele


	17. Can You Feel This?

I can feel my heart thudding in my chest as I walk through the Tree Hill High locker room. I feel like Tim will jump out from behind every corner and get me, but I press on. I need to see Whitey.

When I get to his office, I automatically relax knowing that I'm in a safe place with someone who has always cared about my brothers and I.

"Whitey?" I ask softly as I stand at the door frame

"Jessica, come in. How are you doing?" He says as I sit across from him

"I'm alright Whitey. I came here to ask you for some advice." I say looking down at my hands.

"You Scott kids always come to me for advice. It makes sense considering that jerk father of yours. I bet he really hasn't been much of a help with everything that's been going on with you, huh?" He asks touching my hand.

"No, sir. I wanted to ask you how one goes about getting over fear in order to help out a friend." I say, looking him in the eyes.

"Nathan came to me asking that same question after practice. I told him that he needs to be with you this weekend and feel the kid out. Once you and him feel comfortable with this Rivers kid, he can let you be on your own, getting over his fear of leaving you alone and you will get over your fear of being alone with guys." He says

"But…Tim. Nathan trusted Tim, they were best friends." I say, "How the hell do I know that Jensen won't jump me when Nathan isn't around?"

"First of all, Tim is as dumb as a fence post and your brother's lacky. We all know that Luke, even though Nathan wants to kill him on the court half the time, is Nathan's best friend. He hasn't hurt you. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's kicked a couple of guys in the head for saying derogatory remarks about you. You gotta give Nathan a little more credit and realize that what Tim did to you was a freak occurrence. Not every guy on the street is going to hurt you, darling. Now, I want you to get the hell out of my office and grab lunch before you fall over and have to end up missing class." He says

"Ok. Thank you so much Whitey." I say as shoulder my backpack and turn to leave

"Oh, Jess?" Whitey asks so, I turn to face him. "Not every guy is going to hurt you. Allow that to run through your mind today for the rest of the school day and as you walk around town, all right? I promise you'll feel a lot better.

At the end of third period, I found Jensen at his locker.

"Hey Jen, I wanted to talk to you about this weekend. What time do you want to meet, how long will you be shooting? What age range of dancers do you need?" I asked

" I'll probably be shooting for an hour. I'll need dancers who are our age. I'd feel like I'd be arrested if I took pictures of younger girls and guys dancing." He says with a laugh.

"Okay. There's a class at five o'clock for advanced ballet students on Saturday. Would you like to go to that one?" I ask

"Oh, man. That sounds absolutely perfect! Thank you so much, Jessica!" He says, "Can I hug you? I feel like it's the least I can do for you after you've scheduled this for me."

"Uh…sure. Not like a full contact…" then I remembered what Whitey had told me earlier, _not every guy is going to hurt you _so I said, "Sure" and we gave a full body hug to each other.

Whitey was right. I did feel a lot better.


	18. In the Aisles

Author's Note: The character of Josh is based on Milo Ventimiglia. So, please picture him when you read Josh's name.

As Nathan and I were walking home from school I told him the specifics that I discussed with Jensen in the hallway.

"Well, it sounds like you got it all figured out. Just let me know whether or not you want me to stay close to you or pull back and give you some space, alright?" He says and grabs my arm so that we stop in front of the town's bookstore.

"Would you want to go inside? We haven't been here in awhile. I'm sure that the books miss you. You used to live at this place." He says

"Sure." I say with a small smile, then we walk inside.

I automatically start wandering amongst the bookshelves, looking to see if any of the cover art to see if anything catches me eye, when I hear a voice from behind me say with a smile, "Well, if it isn't my favorite customer."

I turn around, already knowing who I will find. "Josh!" I scream and launch myself at him. He catches me and spins me around laughing and setting me down.

"What are you now, like 25? You haven't been here in the longest time. How have you been?" He asks

"I've been better. I'm sure you've heard that shit that went down involving Tim." I say

"Yeah. I did. I'm really sorry about that." He says bringing his head to the back of my neck and squeezing it. " I'm sorry that I didn't come over when I heard, but I wasn't sure if you just wanted to be surrounded by family like I did when my parents were killed."

You see, Josh and I grew up together. He's been one of my best friends for as long as I can remember, but he's always been about seven years older. His parents died two months after graduation and left all their possessions, including the bookstore, to him. Thankfully, he has always loved to read and has kept it open. Before all the drama, I would spend every day after school at this shop, taking inventory, helping customers, and talking with Josh about books.

He told me that our conversations about Twain, Austen, Stoker, and Tolstoy helped him get over the death of his parents because our conversations about authors reminded him of what him and his parents used to do around the dinner table.

"You were right to think that way, Josh, but you are a huge part of that family. It really would have been nice to see you. It would have been nice to talk about our bff Mark." I said with a smile.

"Well, maybe sometime soon we could go over to the café, play a game of catch up, and discuss literature." he said with a smile.

"I would really like that, Josh." I say, "What things you got in here that you think I would like?'

"Have you read "The Diaries of Adam and Eve by our bff?" He asks, eyes bright, "He characterizes Adam as a lazy lunk head. Eve is the smart one."

"No I haven't, but now I totally want to!" I say

"Alright." He runs over to a shelf, removes a book, and throws it at me. "Take it, free of charge."

I gape at him.

"What kind of friend would I be if I owned a bookstore and didn't give the main person who keeps it running free books from time to time?" He says with a laugh

"Didn't Nathan come in here? Where the hell did he go?" He asks heading to the back room

"Sports section, most likely." I say turning the corner and found him in a chair reading some sport autobiography

"Nate!" I say with a smile "I think I just found evidence that God was a woman!"

"Oh really?" He says putting the book back on the shelf beside him and standing up, "I'm assuming that Josh gave you another book that you're just going to finish in an hour…unless he lets you write in it. In that case…you'll have it for two hours and then you'll be down at the café debating for four."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." I say

"I like it. You'd have a bit of normal in your life for once." He says with a smile, "Do you want to stay here or come home with me? Either one is fine, just depends on what you're most comfortable with."

"Um…could I try staying here with Josh? If things get weird and I start feeling uncomfortable being alone, I'll call you. Hopefully staying in the bookstore with my best friend won't totally freak me out. " I say

"This will give us a chance to follow Whitey's advice." Nathan says pulling me into a hug, "Call me if you need anything, alright?"

I nod and then he turns and leaves the shop.

I take a deep breath, realizing that I am completely alone with Josh. Even though we grew up together, even though he is my best friend, I still feel unsettled. Although, I choose to put that feeling aside, see this as a first step. If I can't handle being alone with my best friend, how the hell will I be able to help Jensen with his photo project?

"Josh? Do you love me enough to let me mark in this book?!" I yell assuming that he's still in the back.

"Of course I do! Pens are on the counter by the register and pencils are in the drawer underneath it." He says with a laugh

Grabbing a pencil, I sit down and begin to read.

_MONDAY.--This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always hanging around and following me about. I don't like this; I am not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals...._


	19. The Great Debate

By the time I finished annotating in the margins, Josh was flipping the sign on the front door to let everyone in town know that we were going to get some dinner, but would be back in about an hour.

"You ready to go, Jess?" He asks

"Yeah." I say rubbing my temples and standing up

"Come on" he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, "some food will take care of that headache".

We walked over to Karen's Café in comfortable silence. Once we got their and ordered food, the great book debate was in full swing.

"Rand is a political nut. Every time I read her books I feel like my brain is walking through quicksand. I have no idea what she's talking about half the time." I say biting into my grilled tomato and cheese sandwich.

"Jess, it's not my fault that you aren't intelligent enough to understand her." He says with a smirk and biting into his sandwich

"Excuse me?! Josh, you know damn well I'm intelligent. I'm sorry that I can't seem to get through crazed political shit." I say

"You like 1984 don't you?" He says, "That is full of political shit."

"Yeah, but it has allusions to the Bible, Jesus, Osama Binladen or Saddam. The political stuff in 1984 can apply to your own life and the way that it is written doesn't make you feel like you want to die. That is why I love Orwell" I say with a smile

"Well, I'm glad that you love Orwell. Good man, even better author. Aren't you glad I threw 1984 at you two years ago? What would you do without me?" He asks

"Waste away from lack of literary stimulation." I say

He laughs nodding his head and then looks at me seriously saying, "There's a word for us you know."

"Insane?" I say with a smile

"No. Individuals like you, Lucas, and myself. Individuals who are well educated, interested in literature, and have debates about authors and literary works." He says

"Yeah, literati." Lucas says coming up to our table and putting a mini chocolate cake close to the outer edge of the table, "What did I miss?"

I stared at Lucas, "Luke, why the hell am I the only one who didn't know about this term for crazed bookworms."

"Because Josh and I are older…which means we're wiser." He says, "Josh, please tell me that you more copies of The Anthem, Rand in my favorite political nut job.

Josh laughs while I glare at Lucas.

"I'm just kidding, Jess. Although, I do like Atlas Shrugged." Lucas says

"Ok, fine. I'll give you that. Atlas Shrugged was good, but The Fountainhead and The Anthem? I wanted to die." I say putting my head on the table.

"Ok, enough about Rand before she starts banging her head into the table. What did you think about The Diaries of Adam and Eve, Jess?" Luke asks

I bring my head off the table, "Mark Twain is my hero. Anyone who makes the woman the smarter of the two sexes is always amazing."

"Feminist" Josh coughs.

"You gave it to me, Jerk!" I say with a laugh "Plus, Adam thought that Cain was a fish. Come on!"

"He has nothing else to compare Cain too." Luke says

"Hello, he could have compared the skin and hair of the child to himself and Eve, but the idiot wanted her to stay out with the other animals." Josh says

"Good point. Damn you, Adam. You should have used your powers of observation." Luke says

"He was too damn lazy for that." I say

We were interrupted by Karen's voice. "Guys, you know how much I love you and I enjoy hearing your banter, but I really have to get home."

"Okay, Karen. I'm sorry. Here we'll get our plates and then get out of your hair." I say getting up.

One our plates were washed and put into the washing machine, Josh and I hugged Karen and Luke, thanked them for the night, and started towards Nathan's apartment.

Josh puts his arm around me. "That was really fun. I missed that so much. I mean, Luke and I would get together in the shop and debate, but it felt wrong without you. It was so nice doing what all three of us used to do.

"I really missed it too. I'm so glad I came into the shop today." I say putting my arm around his lower back as we continued our journey through town.

Again we lapsed into a comfortable silence enjoying each other's company as well as the sights around us. I had forgotten how beautiful the river made everything at night. I was so wrapped up on the sights that I didn't realize how we had gotten home so fast.

Josh pulled me into a tight full body hug and I didn't even think twice about it, didn't freak the hell out. That was so nice. When he lets me go he says, "I have something for you and pulled a book from his back pocket.

"This self help book helped me when my parents died. I figured that it might help you too. Please take it and work through it. You'll be surprised at what you find."

"Thanks Josh. I'll definitely work through it." I say with a smile

"Have a good night. If you need anything, call me." He says turning and heading back to his house on the beach.

Once I get in the house, Nathan looks up from the homework he is currently doing saying with a smile, "How was your time with Josh? Luke tells me the debate went till Karen kicked you guys out."

"It was really nice, just like old times. He also gave me this self-help book. He said that it helped him get through his parents death and he thought that maybe it could help me. If it's alright I'm going to go take a shower and head off to bed, maybe work through some of this." I say wrapping my arms around his shoulders and squeezing him tightly.

"Alright, honey. Good night. I'll be up if you need me." He says as I head to my bedroom taking off my shirt so I could hop in the shower.

As the shower's heat enveloped my muscles I couldn't help but think what the hell Josh meant when he said, "Work through it, you'll be surprised by what you find". Once I got out of the shower, brushed my teeth, and put on pajamas I went over to my desk and opened the book Josh gave me. In it, I found the usual crap "It's not your fault. Faith is a good foothold to have, etc" , but at the end of the chapter, written in neat handwriting, was a note from Josh.

_Jessie,_

_I've known you for quite some time. Ever since you were born I have seen your intelligence and your strength and I am so glad that you have those things now that this horrible this has happened. When I first got the news I wanted to run to the hospital and make sure that you were alright, but I knew that they would only allow immediate family in the room and I didn't want to cause a scene. I should had a feeling something was wrong when I didn't see you walk past the shop, but I figured I was just being crazy. I figure that I'll just stay out of your way until you wander into my shop again, when we have our first "Meeting of the Literati" that's when I know it'll be safe to be around you without triggering anything…yes…I looked PTSD symptoms. I love you dearly and I can't wait until you walk through my shop doors again. If you need anything or you want to talk at all, I'm always around._

_~Josh_

_PS. __The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors I would drown him. - __Mark Twain, a Biography_


End file.
